


One Last Kiss

by Sonny



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Gap Filler, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-28
Updated: 2005-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-13 16:25:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/139304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Larger fic around SIMPLE TOGETHER ; Brian and Michael try to let go, but find their way back to one another...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_  
  
****Brian's Loft...****   
  
_

"What's this?" Brian picked up the mangled envelope, his fingers diving in to pick out the embossed letterhead of a well-known company. "Dear Mr. Taylor..." He murmured out loud as he read the italicized opening greeting.

"Give me that!" Justin put the wooden spoon in his mouth, reaching across the breakfast bar's counter to snatch the personal mail. He pocketed the envelope and letter in his jean's back pocket. "There's a reason it was sitting there... face down."

Brian narrowed his eyes toward Justin. "Well, the more brilliant thing to do would be to put it where I won't see it." He then caught Justin's body movements, the way he surreptitiously watched him across the way. "Unless..."

Justin shook his shaggy mane of blonde hair, continuing to stir the sauce in the pan. "Unless... what?"

"Unless... you wanted me to find it. Finding it and reading it and making all kinds of nasty assumptions about what you're doing on your own time."

Justin shrugged one shoulder. "Why would I do something stupid like that? You wouldn't care if I told you anyway." He grumbled as he looked into the boiling water for the pasta.

Brian scrunched his brow in bewilderment. "Where the hell did THAT come from?"

"Please..." Justin rolled his eyes. "You've been more interested in Babylon, these days, then what's been going on in my life to care."

This was the first Brian had heard of Justin's frustrations. "I'd care if you'd let me. Keeping it to yourself and then allowing mysterious personal mail to just lay around... well, that's just calling me out to be a *snoop*."

"No... what you're doing is being a *prick*... the consummate asshole...." Justin had to walk away before Brian saw his eyes or his face. Usually Brian could read him well, always could.

Brian shrugged, spinning off the bar stool at the counter. "Ah... scapegoat-ing, trying to make it seem like it's MY problem and not something we should discuss about your future."

"MY future?" Justin asked in a light voice of wonder. Why did Brian care so much about his college education... and less about HIM?

"Yeah... you know... the one that leads to a lucrative career, lots of money and popularity." Brian loosened and slid his tie off his neck. He looped the perfect silk about his hand like it was a toy... and not expensive neck attire. "You're slowly dying in this place. You need new blood, new territory. You need a change."

Justin nearly said, *I need... YOU*, but he thought to keep his mouth shut. "What about you?"

"What ABOUT me?"

"Haven't you always wanted to leave The Pitts? I mean, you seem to find every opportunity to bring it up. That you'd like to see the ass-end of this godforsaken place." Justin wanted so badly to mention what the letter contained, but was too afraid to voice anything toward monogamy and making a permanence in Brian's bachelor life.

"Yeah... well... you don't need to worry about what I do with my future." Brian scratched at the side of his nose. He wanted to say that the success of his life was over... and there would be no more excursions to find the job that would outdo what he already had here at home. Home? Wow...

"Unless it's being a part of yours." Justin muttered as he brought out a flat baking pan for the garlic bread sticks.

Brian had been on his way to walking toward the bedroom. "Pardon me?" He had heard what Justin said, but didn't feel like commenting on it. For fear that he'd hear something way more commitment oriented and suffocating then he was willing to sacrifice for at the moment.

"Nothin'" Justin huffed out as he pre-heated the oven to the  instruction's suggesting. He turned the knob on the back portion of the stove, opening the door to check the heating elements. His knee slammed the door shut. "Are we going out tonight?"

Brian stood in front of his open closet doors, wanting to say something snappy and sarcastic, but he stopped. He twisted his head to look off into a corner, thinking about what he had been mulling over since he woke up this morning. He was undressing slowly, not caring where he was standing in relation to the shower. It was his fucking loft so Justin would have to deal with seeing his naked ass scurry into the bathroom. "I might have to step out... for awhile. Check out Babylon. See if everything is squared away for the re-grand-opening."

Justin made a pissed off face. He should have known Brian wouldn't catch a fucking *hint* if he made a nice table set-up for two in the dining room. His stubborness to be NOT like any other gay couple living together apparent more and more these days. "Can you eat first?"

Brian grabbed underwear, a pair of black jeans and a cotton t-shirt as he meandered back and forth in his bedroom. He had to make sure things were smooth-sailing before he stepped into the shower. He didn't want Justin busting in, like a million times before, and disturbing his *alone* time. "Yeah... I, uh, can grab a bite before I head out." He felt the eerie chill run down his spine. Had he really said something like that... THAT domesticated? He shook himself of weird feelings that this was somehow not right and strolled leisurely into the open bathroom. "I'm gonna shower first."

Justin looked up in time to see Brian disappear and the door shut. Not slam, like usual, but softly slid shut... which was even stranger. Something was going on in Brian's head, his thinking mode on high alert. Justin turned back to the cabinets to find plates. At least he had gotten Brian to agree to eat... before he spent all night out on the prowl.

Brian let his back rest upon the closed door as he took in a safe intake of air, feeling breathless. He hadn't been prepared for the phone call he received this morning from Michael. He didn't sound normal, either, and that scared the piss out of him. The voice was distant... unfunny and filled with an unnatural fakeness toward  
happiness that left Brian confused the rest of the day.

Walking toward the shower, Brian turned on the faucets, letting the water gradually grow hotter then usual. He liked the steam to fill the stall before he entered, the warmth encapsulating the tiles so no ounce of cold would hit him.

Brian stood there, watching the intricate droplets smack down on the shower floor, flowing down the shape of the drain. His mind running a mile a minute into what Michael would want to discuss... and in such an odd meeting place.

A playground in the park not to far from the new home Michael was creating ... with Ben.

Not Woody's... not Babylon... not Red Cape... and not even Liberty Diner. The least Michael could do was make him come back to the Novotny household, but maybe Debbie and Carl would be there and Michael wanted to avoid any and all audience viewing.

But what Michael needed to discuss was truly a mystery... and causing Brian a very unnecessary ulcer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Bruckner/Novotny household... minutes later...****_

"Do you have everything?" Michael came out of the kitchen from unpacking, wiping his hands on a dry towel. He tucked the material into the waist of his low riding jeans. He moved toward the hall closet where he'd hung up Ben's sweater jacket last.

The bike was leaning against the adjacent wall.

Ben strolled down the last remaining steps, from upstairs, patting his pants to make sure he had wallet and keys. When he was assured of the belongings, he then looked inside his backpack laying on the floor near his bike. "You know what... surprisingly, for once... I think I do." He zipped up the contents, swinging one strap over his bulky shoulder. "Are you sure, Michael?"

"About?" Michael hoped Ben wouldn't try to prevent him from meeting Brian later today, asking too many questions and occupying his time with unneeded worries.

Ben tried to look into Michael's eyes, but found they were intent on making sure the bike was capable of being ridden this late at night. He adored that kind of attention to his own well-being, but brushed it off as a Michael-thing that was easily ignored. "We sure could use an extra body at the rally."

Michael paused, stunned. He should have guessed Ben would be preoccupied with his latest *fad*... the Gay Marriage Initiative. He sighed, not sure that Ben understood that it was okay for them to have separate interests and be able to live independently, not on each other's backs. He shifted closer to Ben, holding out the sweater. "Here... it's gonna get chilly later on tonight."

Ben smiled sweetly, chucking Michael under his chin. He leaned over to buss Michael's cheek. "Sure I can't convince you? We'd look more strong, better positive gay role models as a *couple* instead of simply MY ugly mug."

Michael pulled away, lightly chuckling, pretending that he was ticklish. "Stop! You are such a tease. Don't get me all worked up before you leave. They're lucky to have your gorgeous face and body to represent them in public... just what they need..."

"And you...?"

"Me what?"

"How `bout we... make a date... for later tonight? You... and me... our new bed... soft, cotton sheets... getting lost in the folds..." Ben went right for Michael's sensitive spot on his neck.

Michael let the motion happen, knowing how he'd react to the gentle touch of lips on his skin. His emotions were already heightened for something else, but not with Ben. "Uh, yeah... sure..." He doubted that meant Ben would be back at a decent time, more likely around midnight or when Michael was in a deep sleep.

Ben furrowed his brow, reaching out to cup Michael's jaw. "You okay, baby? You've been... weird all day."

"Yeah... I'm fine. Why would I not be?" Michael tried not to lift his head for fear Ben could see his eyes and see some truths he wasn't voicing.

"You do know... you don't have to unpack everything the first week. Take things slow. The house won't officially be ours for another two weeks or so. Don't rush any efforts on yourself that aren't necessary."

Michael shrugged, loosely, shaking his arms down his sides. "If I don't do it, who else will?" He didn't mean to complain, but with Hunter being gone all too often and Ben finding other means to hold his interests these days... Michael felt like the lone worker-bee left to his own devices. "I'm okay." He reassured Ben as he rubbed his flexing biceps. "I'm doing fine... just a little sadness... much of it melancholy..."

Ben nodded, moving to take his bike from Michael's hands. "I'm not surprised... and neither should you." He cleared his throat, rolling his bike to the front door. "Why don't you call Brian."

Michael scurried to open the wooden door, then held open the screen one. "Huh?" Had he heard right? Approval to see Brian Kinney?

"Have you two been *out* since we started searching for property?"

"No... too busy with you, looking for the house and packing up the apartment and our life..." Michael wondered where Ben had been to ask this question. Hadn't he known the vacancy of Brian in their life? Too wrapped up in his own business to care, maybe?

"Ah... the memories..." Ben dipped his head to press a soft kiss on Michael's mouth, but found the head turning to offer a cheek instead. "You're missing your best friend, Michael. Call him."

With that said, Ben was rolling the bike out the front door, on the floorboards of the porch, down the tiny steps and riding off along the sidewalk.

Michael shut the doors and landed heavily on the wood paneling.

Well... at least now Michael HAD permission to see Brian.

Michael flipped his wrist to check his watch. Almost time. He headed upstairs, throwing the dishtowel on the small post as he climbed the stairs, two at a time. He was on his way to the second spare bedroom, the one he had planned on designing for Jenny's nursery. Luckily, Michael had already warned Ben that anything left in this room was off limits. Any bags or boxes placed in this room was Michael's alone, untouched by Ben's eyes and hands. He found the correct bag he needed, tucked inside the closet, having packed it a month ago.

Resolving in himself that this was possibly the best move he could make, Michael went to wash-up in the hall bathroom. In twenty minutes he had to meet Brian and take the next drastic step they ever had to make in their lives together. Too bad Brian had no clue to what was about to happen...

Even if this left a bad taste in Michael's mouth, a terrible belly ache in his stomach and a crack in his heart the size of Canada... this had to be done for everyone's sake... and his own sanity...

... shit...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Twenty-four minutes later... neighborhood park****_

Brian had safely slipped away. Ted being his cover at Babylon should Justin become curious. He parked on the side street, oblivious to any illegal parking he might be doing. He got out of the Stingray, slamming the driver side door as he walked through the clean, pristine park.

Michael was sitting on a swing, facing away... slumped over, waiting for Brian to show up. He was piss-poorly pushing himself back-n-forth on his feet at the sawdust underneath.

An old gym duffel bag rested on one of the metal legs holding up the swing set.

Michael swiveled as he heard the soft footfalls of Brian's approach. He actually knew it was him once the car pulled up. They were as alone, in public, as two men could be. "Does it bother you to think that for years we were under some pretense that the playgrounds we had weren't death hazards like they certainly were... compared to today? It's any wonder we made it out alive."

Brian stopped, throwing one foot through the swing next to Michael's and straddling the long seat. "Yeah... those mountainous monkey bars... suspended over a hard slab of concrete. One false move... ker-splat!" His hand made the diving gesture a tiny body would have done. He blinked rapidly, trying to focus on what Michael was hiding. He tucked his hands inside his coat pockets. "Why do I get the eerie feeling we're not here to chit-chat about playground equipment improvements and the plight of *cushioning* the new generations of ankle biters... and how it oddly coincides with dealing with them in the reality of life?"

"You'd be right, because I'm not." Michael cleared his throat, moving his swing over and out to reach for the bag. "I know this seems strange... maybe a foolish attempt, but I'm doing us both a favor." He gently tossed the bag at Brian's feet. "I found some things of yours I still had, while packing up everything."

"Why am I not liking where this conversation is going?" Brian spoke in the air, not expecting Michael to answer him, which he didn't.

"Seems moot to return them, I know, but hell... I won't need them anymore. They were yours to begin with."

"What is... this?" Brian squinted his eyes toward Michael, finding it odd that those familiar chocolate eyes couldn't look over at him. The honesty between them vanishing like the setting sun in the distance. His foot accidently brushed the material of the bag.

"There's some of your clothes... a few toys from when we were fourteen or so... dirty magazines I never gave back to you... and a, uh..." Michael tried to think back to when he had stuffed all those objects in the old gym bag.

Brian shook his head, pain coursing through his chest. He'd known this day would come, just not this soon. He thought he'd be prepared, able to withstand anything, but to find out he wasn't... was earthshattering. "No... I don't give a fuck about what's in the bag. What are you doing?"

Michael swung back, standing up. His feet were planted firmly on the ground. "What do you mean?"

Brian closed his eyes, knowing Michael wasn't this obtuse. "Is this Ben's idea?"

"Wha-? No... he doesn't even know what I'm doing?"

"Do YOU know what you're doing? Because I sure as hell would like you to fill me in on the kinda bullshit you'll be slinging."

"It's not bullshit." Michael breathed out with some censure, biting at his bottom lip.

"Liar..." Brian watched Michael move away, further from him. The swing was released and swung back to smack him in the kneecap. He was already numbing his body to any pain inflicted. "We might be falling apart at the seams, here, Michael... but I know you, just like you know me..."

Michael shook his head in disagreement. "We aren't falling apart, Brian. I will always be here for you... just not..."

"... HERE for me, for real..." Brian looked off in the distance, toward a row of houses just like Michael's. "... What are you NOT telling me?"

"I've got responsibilities now, Brian."

"Like you didn't before... and I don't...?"

"You like to stir the pot, while I like the pot at a slow simmer."

"And these food analogies help... how?"

"Sometimes it's the only logical reasoning I can come up with to explain how opposite we are."

"And this does... what? Destroys the only best thing you and I have had in our lives? Despite everything... we are good together... for each other..."

"Brian, there's no destruction... I'm only asking for a cool down period, to regroup."

"When have you ever fuckin' needed one of those?" Brian dipped his head, unsure of if he could find his pride and quickly hibernate away. "Besides your 30th birthday..."

"And my wonderfully warm reception upon my return to The Pitts from Portland..." Michael let out a bittersweet smile. He knew he could come up with plenty more. "... and since my chance to become the father I always dreamed of having was put in jeopardy..."

"By me, right? How was your fatherhood put into dire straits?" Brian bit out in anger, hanging his head for the volcanic frustrations he knew would come. He had flung them on himself plenty of times since he learned what the lawyer Lindsay hired had done to Michael's reputation in court.

"Lindsay's lawyer did make some good points... although I disagreed with most. Maybe he was right on some."

"He wasn't." Brian shook his head in denial. "I told Linds he was voracious and a shyster if she wasn't careful, but it was her decision to chose him."

"I'm not blaming you, Brian."

"Now..." Brian half-heartedly chuckled at the comment. "... who, here, doesn't see that as utter bullshit? Raise of hands?" He raised his hand. 

"Okay, I did initially blame you for all those dirty, nasty secrets he had about me and my shady lifestyle... but ultimately Linds owned up to what happened. She's been nothing but apologetic to both Melanie and I. We all have only Jenny's best interests at heart."

"What about you?" Brian asked emphatically, knowing Michael would sacrifice more then anyone else.

"What about me?"

"So... what? You just toss it in... and agree to some messed up visitation schedule...?"

"No. I do what I do best."

"Get Debbie to lay some smackdown on the lezzies?" Brian tried humor, but Michael wasn't taking his bait.

"No. I back away... to disappear."

"Fuck!" Brian got up from his swing, stepping over the bag on the ground. "No.. Don't..." He thought the worst, that Michael might move away... permanently... far away... to Tibet with Ben.

"Stop, Brian... no more..." Michael put up both palms, backing up.

"No more... what? I'm harmless." Brian held up both hands in an innocent gesture.

"No, you're not. Let me breathe, for Christ's sake!"

"Excuse me?" Brian scrunched his face in perplexity.

"We... are changing. We're choosing different paths to walk down. I can no longer face them with you... or condone them for you as a way of life."

Brian stood, unblinking, wanting to run, but wanting to stay and shake some sense into Michael. Was this even Michael... his best friend of twenty years? "I thought you and I were supposed to grow old together. You never said it wasn't what you wanted before..."

"I'm not even saying that now, Brian. Are you even listening to me? I'm not going away... and I'm not leaving you or The Pitts again." Michael tried to stay still, hold his ground.

"But what? You can't be around me or my vagrantly toxic lifestyle anymore?"

"I need space, Brian. It's all a part of growing up... this growing apart... Making right choices for wrong reasons."

Brian bent his head, looking down at the perfectly manicured lawn of the park. It was really pretty... and green... even at dusk. "... or wrong choices for all the right reasons..."

Michael closed his eyes in agony. He had come too far to turn back now. He had to go all the way or end this... soon. "Ben... Hunter... and Jenny... they're my priorities now, Brian. That scared me... the fact that someone could take those things away from me... so easily... one bad word about me and... I have nothing left that's mine to have..."

Brian rubbed at his jaw. He wanted to scream at Michael that he HAD him... forever if he wanted, but kept his mouth shut. "You won't lose them, Michael. You would never let that happen... and neither would I..." He muttered the last comment, hoping Michael ventured closer to hear, but he didn't. Michael remained far away from easy touch.

"I almost did, Brian... don't you see...?"

"You wanna know what ***I*** see?" Brian glanced at Michael as he solemnly shook his head and looked away. "... I see you caving into them. Giving up and letting them win. It's what I feared you'd do. What good old fashioned married life would do to you."

"What?" Michael asked in a low voice of wonder. He hated what he was doing to Brian... and himself and their longtime friendship.

"Make you just like everyone else?"

"Brian... that's not fair..." Michael slowly shook his head, wanting to disagree with such passion, but he couldn't muster the fight in him. He was too numb... to cold to care.

"Fair? Talk about pot callin' kettle..." Brian huffed out in frustration.

"I'm a parent now. I want to be a father to my daughter, Brian. You know how much this means to me. Why wish it away in my happiness?"

"It's given you nothing but grief for now."

"I know it's gonna get better. My way of being a father to my child is different then yours. I want to be hands-on in her life. I want to be there for her should she need me or if I need her. I'm changing for her... and her best interests. Sorry if I'm disappointing you." Michael tried to explain, but saw how unsuccessful he was becoming in getting his message across to Brian.

The sudden loss of the friendship was harder to bear then anything else right now.

"No worries... it's what all parents seem to do with me..."

"No, Brian... look..." Michael attempted to approach Brian, but this time he got the reaction of distance.

"No... I finally get it, Michael. Clean slate. No *Brian* in Michael's life... ever... got it... loud and clear..."

"No, that's not..." Michael opened his mouth to explain better, but he found he was losing what control he did have, because Brian was trying to gain it back from him. He hated how easily he could always hand it back over. "... you're over dramatizing this..."

"Sooooo... you're NOT dumping me? Better friend in the wings, huh? Rejection at it's worst? Twenty fuckin' years down the tubes?"

"Brian, c'mon... I can't..." Michael was getting closer, but Brian was avoiding him, slipping through the rest of the swings and the poles embedded in the ground.

Brian swiveled at one point and advanced on Michael, causing him to freak out in fear. "You can!" He backed off some, realizing how scarey he could be. "You're simply unwilling to bend..."

"For YOU?!" Michael barked back out, his maternal index finger in conjunction with his words. "Brian... have you ever listened to yourself? I mean really listened?? You don't want me to bend... you need me to break for you. I can't do that at your command any more."

"Liar." Brian murmured as he wondered what was happening at the moment. His life crumbling around him... a life without Michael was... pure hell. His moral compass disappearing from view.

"I love you... you know that... fuckin' asshole..."

Brian felt like someone shot him directly in the heart. "Nice one." He patted his chest over his heart. He turned back around and began to walk away from Michael leaving too much unsaid, which wasn't normal for them to do to one another.

"Wait!" Michael perked up, moving about to pick up the bag on the ground. "Where are you going?" He yelled out into the air.

"Home... where I've always belonged..." Brian bellowed over his shoulder.

"The loft? ... to Justin?" Michael was curious, so he quickly trekked behind... like always.

"No... backroom... at Babylon... Everyone wants me there..."

Michael was having a hard time keeping up with Brian's long stride to his car. "Brian... please... it's not the end of the world."

"Yeah... for you, maybe..." Before he slipped inside his car, Brian faced Michael. "Don't call me... I'll call you..."

"Look... don't make this more then it is. We'll see each other." Michael was speaking as Brian unlocked his door and climbed inside the car. Brian couldn't get in fast enough to zoom away to lick his fresh wounds. "I wish you'd understand and not take this to such extremes. We're still best friends. I mean it... I love you... I always will... I'm here for you no matter what."

Brian finally slammed his door shut on Michael's words. He hung over the steering wheel to mutter. "Love me? Not IN love with me?" THAT loss was even more painful. He revved the engine, keeping his head low, unsure he could find words to speak. Unable to find his voice or any courage... his pride in tatters... his heart a mess of goo.

Michael gently knocked on the window. He waited for those hazel eyes to glance up at him. He held up the bag when they turned to him. He made the motion of rolling down the glass.

Brian obliged, rolling down the window. He snatched the bag held out to him. "Thanks a bunch, Mikey. It's been a blast." He threw the bag over onto the passenger seat, hearing it topple onto the floor.

Michael bent at his waist, his head level with Brian's eyes. His hands were clamped on the window ledge. "I only brought the bag to you `cause leaving it here, in the park, or throwing it in the garbage will give cause to curiosity. There's too much in there better left unseen by small, impressive children."

Brian laughed out his breath. "Always looking out for everyone else, no-good do-gooder." Brian grumbled out as he tried not to look directly at Michael or he'd lose what sense he had.

"Get it through your thick skull... we aren't over... I can't let you go... forever." Michael moved his hand to strongly grip Brian's forearm over the steering wheel. "But I have to, if I need to." He dipped his head. "Promise me you'll try to keep in touch. I won't know where my life is going with taking care of the house, unpacking... preparing things for visitors... taking care of Jenny and running Red Cape... not to mention raising Hunter... and keeping Ben happy..."

"Busy... busy... busy... my little homo-homemaker..." Brian could only glance down at Michael's fingers on his jacket, squeezing tightly for fear of losing the one thing they'd had all their lives. Honestly, Brian didn't know what he'd do in response to Michael's decision, but for now... he needed to leave.

"Yeah... yours..." Michael spoke under his breath, wondering if Brian would always think of him as *his* possession. It used to be sweet and nice, now it was sad and pathetic, because was he really anything more to Brian then a glorified companion? He knew he'd have to let Brian leave soon, but he had one last thing to do. "Hey..." He softly commanded of Brian as he called out on the sly, peeping his head further inside the car's interior.

"Wha-?" Brian turned at just the right moment to find his mouth taken by Michael's open lips. He felt the sturdy, yet nervous, hands caress his chiseled, stubbled cheeks. His own trembling fingers reaching up to cling to the warm clutch like a life preserver being thrown to a drowning man.

Brian literally ached inwardly, all over. He moaned out his next breath on Michael's hungry lips devouring him. Michael took the vulnerability in stride, advancing only so far to make sure Brian understood all those unspoken actions.

Brian Kinney liked body language, fed off it most days and nights. While words could be used, abused and misconstrued... Brian felt strength in physical touch... yet this time he was out of control.

Brian knew he was losing Michael, by Michael's own hands. He had no way of stopping this from happening, growing larger then both of them.

Michael let go first, his tears prominent on his cheeks and pooling in his eyes. He knew Brian wouldn't take his decision lightly, but he never expected the silence... or the secret, lone tear he swore he'd seen fall. He had felt the moisture burn his hand as he tenderly petted Brian's cheek. "Love me...?" Never in their friendship had he ever begged for something from Brian. He didn't like prodding him, but he needed to know something tangible remained before Brian drove off.

Staring dead ahead through the windshield, expensive shades in place, Brian tried to swallow. "Always have..."

Michael prematurely began to smirk, already knowing the usual response added. "... always will?" He asked this time, because he was unsure.

Brian had no verbal response. He hung his head... clearing his throat and looking away into the night. He felt Michael's hand move to smooth over his nape, playing with the shaved hairline. He was unable to speak. He glanced at Michael... showing he wanted to roll up his window now.

Before Michael backed up onto the grassy curb, he pressed a strong kiss to Brian's temple, inhaling his shampoo and feral scent.

Brian slowly rolled up his window. On last side glance at Michael and he gunned the engine, switching the gear into drive.

Safely on the grass, Michael covered his watery eyes, unable to fathom what he had just done. Having actually kept calm throughout the whole ordeal.

Now, with this first step over... he felt like throwing up... and curling up into a ball of mush at home under a pile of covers.

In another hour or so... Michael walked back home, in a daze.

Ben was none the wiser.  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 ** _**Three weeks later... Brian's loft...**_**

Justin heard the banging around as he woke up from a sound slumber. His arm automatically reached out to his left to feel Brian's side. Cool to the touch. Brian hadn't slept for hours... or had he even come to bed at all? Dragging the top sheet along with him, Justin wrapped the material around his naked body as he wandered out of the bedroom to find Brian in the living room.

Brian was using some storage box as his basketball hoop that was sitting on one of the dining room chairs.

Another piece of clothing came at Justin to land half in and out of the box, hanging precariously off the sides. "What... the fuck, Brian?" He tried to cover his head for protection.

"Care to try for a three pointer, Taylor?" Brian held out whatever was crumpled in his hand.

"Have you slept at all tonight?"

"Why should I? It's the weekend tomorrow. I'm off... and you have no classes. We have brunch plans that we must attend to."

Justin didn't like the way Brian's voice sounded, too prissy and proud. "No... Michael has invited us over to his house for a party/family get-together to welcome he and Ben into their new home."

"Oh... is THAT what the invitation said?" Brian bit out sarcastically as he picked up another item to throw into the box. He was gonna throw it like a frisbee, hoping it crashed onto the hardwood flooring. "Heads up!"

Justin caught the offending object before it had a chance to sail above his head. He brought it down to look at. A picture frame of Uncle Vic, in the center, Brian on one side with Michael on the other. "What is all this shit, Brian?" He walked over to the box, looking at the items inside. He noticed the Brian and Michael friendship oriented objects... and quickly turned to squint over at Brian. "What the fuck is going on?"

"I'm getting rid of foolish things, Justin... all a part of growing up." Brian tossed him the rest of the items, which were just more clothing. "You should try it sometime." He stomped off, moving to find his dirty pair of jeans and dig out his cell phone.

"Excuse me?" Justin wasn't sure if his mind was still sleep fogged or had he heard right. When had anything related to Michael and their friendship become... foolish? He watched as Brian dialed a number. Well, actually he pressed one number and let the phone dial for him. "What are you doing? Who can you be calling at this hour?" As Brian passed him by, he clapped a hand over Justin cheek. Justin averted his head from the teasing touch. He didn't feel like joking right now.

Brian placed a finger over his lips. He went back to his call. "You up?" He paused to wait for the response. "No need to get snippy... I know what time it is..." He cleared his throat, skimming his bare toe on the glossy floorboards. "I'm coming over... meet me on your porch." He clamped the phone shut and pocketed the phone. He brushed by Justin on his way back into the bedroom only to pick up some shoes.

"Can I expect you back tonight?" Justin glanced at a random wall clock. "Or what's left of tonight?"

"What is it with these twenty questions? You're not my husband... or my keeper. You simply live here and share space. Lots of it, I must say..." Brian grumbled as he filled up the box with the items Justin had calmly laid down on the glass dining table.

Justin curled the linen tighter about his body. "I'm gonna forget you said that and go back to bed. Wake me when your through with your tantrum." He was on his way up the steps to the bedroom, when he turned around. "Tell Michael I said *hi*." He smirked at Brian's wide eyes. "Like you weren't being obvious."

"It's none of your business."

"I know. Michael IS your business... but he's also not yours exclusively anymore. Get used to it."

"Well, be happy, Sunshine... because I already know that. I'm just making sure Michael knows that his message was received." Brian picked up his keys and wallet. He walked over to pick up his leather jacket and the box of Michael's things he'd had possession of for far too long.

If Michael could spring clean with their friendship... so could Brian.

Brian noticed Justin staring at him in the muted darkness of the loft. "What is it now?"

"Are you two fighting?"

"No."

"What's happening?"

"Nothing that concerns you."

"I live with you... it better concern me."

"After tonight, you won't have to worry none. Is THAT better?"

"Nope." Justin gripped the side of the room's doorway. "Be easy on him."

Brian furrowed his brow in puzzlement. "Why do you think it concerns you what I do or how I handle Michael?"

"Because whatever effects him, hurts you. It's like he's linked to you somehow. And... despite what you tell yourself... you care about him more then you think."

"Don't read into it too deeply... you might be surprised what you find."

Justin shook his head in wonder. "I'm amazed he's held onto you for so long. Gives me faith... and a little hope."

"Michael's a rare man, Justin. There's nobody alive that's ever matched him... or ever will, in my opinion."

"You don't have to tell me shit I already know or can figure out for myself." Justin nodded his head. "Go to him."

"I don't need your permission." Brian knew he was being annoyingly grumpy.

"Yes... you do... or you'd be gone by now. Not hanging around contemplating what you're about to do." With that, Justin walked back to bed.

Brian left soon after he saw Justin bury his face in the pile of pillows at the headboard. He actually had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was that he had to see Michael and get these *monkeys* off his back.

Brian was already at the elevator, box at his feet... when he realized he had forgotten the most important piece of history between him and Michael. He ran back to the metal door, turned the lock, pressed in the security key code and strutted back into the bedroom as if he had meant to forget the object he'd come back for.

Justin lifted his head slightly, watching Brian dig through one of his dressers. What was pulled out was... shocking, to say the least...

Those white cowry shells seemed to glow better at night... the hidden lights bouncing off their glossiness...

Bringing his arms up to curl about the pillow under his head, Justin looked directly at Brian in shadows. "You told me you got that in Mexico." He was amazed how hurt he didn't feel. Just another spoke in the wheel of Brian's attachments to Michael.

"It's what you needed to hear... at the time..." Brian turned to leave again. "Don't wait up for me. I don't know if I'll be back."

"How long will you be gone?"

"Don't know. I'll be back in time for Michael's party."

"I can just meet you there."

"Just because I'm seeing Michael now... doesn't mean I'm staying in that house."

"Why not? Because Ben is there, too?"

"No... that house isn't *Michael*... it'll never be the home he wants... or needs..."

Justin caught his breath as he almost heard Brian mutter those words once he left in another flash of movement. "And you know..." The door slammed closed on a finality that quietly shook the rooms. "... just where he does belong?"

... damn...

A pillow went over Justin's head to block out the voices telling him to run far away from Brian Kinney and never look back... one of them his very own conscious...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Moments after Brian left his loft... Bruckner/Novotny household...****_

Michael saw the headlights reflected in the glass as Brian swung around to park at the end of the sidewalk. Michael was making it down the flight of stairs from the upper floor, having told Ben he was sleepless and stepping downstairs to work in his office. Ben was had been so drained, bone tired, he only had strength enough to murmur out a response, then flip over to fall back asleep

Michael was in socked feet, light cotton drawstring pants and a muscle tank T. He wandered over, in the muted dark, to the hall closet, pulling down a sweatsuit jacket. He had turned on the porch light for Brian, thinking he'd knock once he approached the door. But nothing sounded, not even a soft knock, as he heard the hard clump of shoes on the porch. Michael moved to open the door, catching sight of Brian's shadowed shape sitting on the porch railing and leaning one shoulder on the pillar.

"Hey..." Michael's voice sounded sleepy, deep timbered from the infrequent napping. "... why don't you come in??" He held open the screen door in silent invitation.

"No." Brian shook his head to decline, crossing his arms over his chest. "I can't... you come out... here... to me..." His tone was clear and precise, even from far away.

"Oh-kay." Michael had no idea what he was in for. His voice was hushed, not wanting to disturb new neighbors or wake Ben and Hunter up. The screen door had the usual creak in the hinges as Michael slowly opened the door, then followed it back to closing. He stood near the doorway, unsure what Brian wanted of him. "You've got my attention... what now?" He kind of grinned sheepishly, but soon lost the humor as he recognized the glow of Brian's hazel eyes in the moonlight of early morning.

"Come here..." Brian breathed out in a rushed whisper. He opened his legs, feet spread apart to balance his butt on the railing.

"Nope." Michael shook his head, unable to unlock his gaze from Brian's. "... tell me from there..." He knew what would happen if he ended up walking into those willing, patiently waiting arms.

"Come... here..." Brian let out the charming smile Michael always melted into complete mush over. He let his arms fall down to his sides, in anticipation of filling them with the heated body of his best friend. He missed the radiating warmth, whenever Michael was near... like a drug.

Michael easily followed the quiet command. His arms securing about Brian's neck in their usual mode of welcome after a long separation. "Oh... gawd..." He groaned out the pleasure of having Brian, in his arms, to hold again. "I've missed you." He lent his face down on Brian's shoulder, inhaling the stench of old leather.

Brian tucked his face in the side of Michael's neck. "Missed you... more..." He muttered into Michael's silky locks, burying his nose in the sweet scent. He had missed everything about Michael; the calming nature he always brought with him... in every whisper, every smell, every touch, every kiss, every single breath...

"I had no idea how much..." Gripping the back of Brian's neck, with one hand, Michael was about to explain how difficult the time apart had been. How wrong he was to end things between them so cold turkey.

Brian grabbed Michael's shoulder, yanking him a few inches away. "Give me your arm." He flat-out stated the request with no explanation. He was feeling shaken from the inside out.

Michael glanced up at Brian in a mass of utter confusion. "What?" His arms were sliding down Brian's torso, to rest at the trim waist.

"Just... do it. Don't worry what I'm doing." Brian secretly took out the woven shell bracelet from his jacket pocket.

Michael saw the flash of white... the dark black, well-worn rope... and knew what was happening. "No!" He shook his head, backing away to lean on the house he bumped against. "I won't let you do this..." He kept his arm tight to his chest as if Brian was gonna burn him with pure fire. His eyes pleaded with Brian in desperation. "How can you do this... now...?"

"It has to be done, Michael... it's the only way." Brian cleared his throat, advancing one step at a time toward Michael.

"W-w-e made a pact, Brian." Michael tried to swallow, unable to keep his mouth from opening in shock. "Only on three conditions... three... were you EVER to give that back to me. I told you... I'd only take that back if you were dead... if you were going away for a really longer time then normal... or you no longer wanted to be my friend..." He shut his eyes at that last comment... the tears flowing down his face. "... my best and only friend." He quickly maneuvered his body away from Brian, finding a safe corner of the porch. "No... I can't take it... I can't accept it if I won't accept you gone... permanently from my life."

Brian knew this would be the only way Michael would realize how serious he was. "Maybe it's time we both put our feet down... become honest with one another what we both really want out of life. Out of each other and the people in our lives..."

"But... I was honest with you, Brian. As honest as I can be... right now." This time Michael came back around, but from a different side, along the railing.

"Michael... you can't even be honest with yourself in what you want out of life." Brian laughed lightly as he moved closer still. Michael didn't bolt this time, he simply sat down on the railing "You think you need to follow someone else's rules and be what every expects of you." He reached out to tenderly scrape a hand down the side of Michael's face. "All you had to do was play their game, for awhile... pretty soon... you'd get what you want."

Michael blinked his watery eyes up at Brian. "What if it was never mine to have?"

Brian's eyes searched Michael's and found hidden truths he'd always known were there. "Who said it was never yours?"

Michael bowed his head in shame. "Nobody."

Brian rested his forearms on Michael's shoulders. "You were right... the other day... we do need time apart, but we need to agree on it. Can't be forced... can't be led by someone else's wants. It has to be something we both know is necessary for us to... move on, if we have to..." His eyes began to fill with moisture as he watched Michael's face crumbled with his words. "... or come together in the end. Now that you've made yourself known... it's time you know something about what I want..." He bent low so Michael could hear him.

"What do you want?" Michael's voice cracked into a thousand pieces. He tried to rub the sleeves of his jacket under his pooling eyes.

"It's not this... that's for sure..." Brian rolled his eyes and chuckled... single tears falling at will.

Michael was breathless with the beauty of an emotionally wrought Brian. "Don't..." He reached out to cup Brian's cheek, rubbing the smooth skin tenderly. "We're both at fault... don't take blame that isn't yours..."

Brian shook his head of some terrible thoughts arising. "I never wanted us to be half-assed in our relationship. I don't expect you to be up my butt constantly, but then I never expected you to feel like you had to choose me over your blossoming family." He tried smiling, but failed miserably... didn't help with tears falling.

"I wasn't..." Michael stood up, his chest brushing Brian's.

"I thought I was your *family*. I always thought I was enough." Brian titled his head to press closer to Michael's face as it dipped lower and lower.

"You are." Michael breathed out against Brian's lips.

"Stop lying to me, Michael... and to yourself." Brian mumbled out, frustrations at everything but the man before him... won over.

"I can't..." Michael groaned out into Brian's face, leaning his forehead weakly on the cool skin of Brian's jaw.

"Yes, you can... it's fairly easy... you say, 'I want...'... what, Michael?" Brian one arm hugged Michael to his weakening body.

"... you..." Michael's lips pressed wantonly against Brian's open ones.

"But is that possible... huh?" Brian lightly snickered and rubbed a spot on Michael's back where his palm lay.

Michael sadly shook his head, his body resting peacefully on Brian's chest. "Fuck... no... I'm in this too deeply with Ben... and I want so badly to be a father to both Hunter and Jenny..."

"You deserve what you've always wanted... deeply desired." Brian cupped the sides of Michael's head, matching their faces. "Neither of us can have everything we want... everybody we love. Somebody has to get hurt in the process... why not you and me, huh?" Brian couldn't even fathom laughter fitting here... his heart broke off it's final piece as he felt Michael squeeze him tighter to his body. "It's such a fucking mess, Mikey."

"I can't ask you to leave what you have with Justin to be with me." Michael stated their first truth.

"And I can't, in good conscious, ask you to give up what you've always wanted with Ben... and Hunter and Jenny." Brian stated their second truth. "In all honesty, I would never ask you to chose, but you were right to force it out of me. To make me see that I was doing more damage then good."

"No..." Michael shook his head, tenderly rubbing his wrist. He knew what he had to do. "Brian..." He placed his fingers around Brian's forearm.

The arm that had the bracelet in the hand

Brian pressed a finger to Michael's lips. "Shut up. Let me finish what I came here to do so I can leave and be miserable on my own."

Michael pushed off of Brian, stepping back. He held out his wrist, laying the palm on Brian's mid-sternum. "Okay..." He took in a deep breath of resolve, hoping he wouldn't up chuck all over them both. "Do it... then..."

"Michael..."

Michael kept staring at the shells in Brian's hand... like they were sharp thorns that would pierce his delicate flesh. "I can't believe I'm actually letting you do this..." He choked on his next breath, letting his tears flow easily down his face.

Brian had to look away twice before he could finally tie the bracelet securely around Michael's tiny wrist. "I've always loved your baby wrist." He caressed the flesh, muscle and bone as if it were the most precious of gems.

"But... I'm not a *baby* anymore... am I?"

Brian snorted a chuckle, but ruined it by blinking and finding his eyes swarming with tears. "I know ... but you're MY baby..." He took that arm... with the adorned wrist and placed it on his cheek. He tenderly kissed the paleness and felt the blood pumping through the thick veins.

"Shit!" Michael nearly jumped into Brian's arms, not wanting to let go. "Stay."

Brian enclosed his entire body about Michael, protecting him from unknown demons... always. "I gotta go. I have someone waiting for me."

Michael shut his eyes in sweet misery, nodding his head in agreement. "I have to get ready for a party tomorrow." He tried to push away from Brian's hold, but found it difficult. "Are you gonna show up?"

"Yes... with Justin. If that's okay..." Brian brushed back a few locks of hair from Michael's perspiring forehead.

"Yes... bring him... please..." Michael wished he could say more.

They couldn't keep their hands off one another, trying to find ways to keep contact before they truly separated.

"Oh... fuck... before I forget..." Brian stepped back a few paces and picked up the box he'd brought with him. "Take this..."

Michael wiped at his eyes, looking over the outside of the nondescript box. "What is this?"

"You gave me the gym duffel bag..."

Michael's eyes widened in shock. "Everything you had of mine..."

Brian bent his face low to Michael's ear. "Not everything." He brushed his temple to Michael's in solidarity. "Only the stuff I was willing to part with."

Michael smiled, secretly, dipping his head in embarrassment. "I admit I didn't give you all that I had... either."

Thumbs hooked on the back pocket of his jeans, Brian nodded his head at the hilarity. Good to know that though they were changing, so much of them, in little ways, still stayed the same. "I do... you know..." He scuffed his boot tip on the porch floor boards. He almost lost his voice.

Michael's face appeared blank of any feeling or emotion. "Do... what...?"

"Love... you..." Brian choked on those two words... his eyes bloodshot and ravaged with grief.

Michael crumbled again, having to place the box down at his feet. "You... pull my plug..."

Brian could only nod his head in agreement. "Always..." He placed a bunched fist over his heart, in loyalty and fealty to their friendship... and turned to walk away, down the front porch steps.

Michael quietly watched the hunched back disappear down the sidewalk. New found tears shedding as he watched Brian walk away from him... his life and their friendship... at his own request... and with Brian's full agreement...

The Stingray made a mad dash to exit the quiet neighborhood... Brian driving recklessly fast as usual, but only because he could barely see through the tears... not his normal rebellious nature...

Michael had no idea how he made it back inside the house. He made it upstairs, through the hallway and into the master bedroom. He climbed into bed after shedding all his clothes, unable to take anything touching his naked skin... and he curled into a ball on his side and quietly cried into his pillow.

Nearly fifteen minutes into Michael's sobs... Ben woke up... rolled over to cuddle Michael's back to his front, trying to kiss away the sadness, but to no avail... Michael was inconsolable.

Ben would get the information out of Michael in the morning over breakfast... if he was willing to talk, but he'd try not to prod or be too nosy... if Michael would allow him inside his feelings, but most importantly inside his slowly breaking heart.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ *****One week following the fatal break-up...****_

 ****I can't believe it... he actually gave it back to me...****

Michael choked on tears as he rubbed at the soft shells, intricately woven into black rope. He had opened a drawer in his new mahogany dresser.

Michael needed to talk, needed his best friend, but right now... he wasn't quite clear if he had one anymore. He stood still, in his new master suite... in the home he now owned with Ben,  contemplating placing away the one thing he had selfishly given to Brian... many, many years ago...

"Hey..."

The soft voice, from outside the hallway, didn't even make Michael lift his head, only one eyebrow rose in curiosity.

"Yea-..." Michael cleared his throat, throwing the worn cowry shell bracelet into his underwear drawer. "Sorry..." He wearily wiped at his eyes, feeling the lightest of tinges in moisture. Didn't bode well for him to cry in front of Ben when they were supposed to be happy in their new home.

Except Michael had no idea in how to be impressed much when home felt so far away at this very moment. Thrown away so easily as he had thrown the bracelet into hiding amongst his white socks and undershorts.

Ben hung off the doorjamb. His gorgeous smile entrancing and charming all at once. "I was gonna ask you about Thai or Korean for dinner, but..." His eyes pierced his lover's curious look that had time to formulate in solitude. "Are you okay?"

Michael lifted his head to look directly at Ben, not sure if he could really focus right now on those beautiful features. "Yeah..." His voice cracked. "I'm fine. I'll be down shortly and we can make the choice then."

"Do you need a few?" Ben grabbed the framework under his hand, his knuckles going white with fear.

Michael turned away to walk closer to the box he'd been given back from Brian. His pained chocolate eyes zeroed in on a picture frame of he and Brian together. "Please..."

"I see it went as well as expected with Brian."

"Not now, Ben." Michael held back his temper, ready to pounce if Ben even said one word of disgust, picking on Brian. Shit! He would even defend Brian even when they were... WHAT?

Ben nodded his head, knowing Michael needed time alone. "I'll be downstairs... when you're ready." He was gone as quickly as he had snuck in.

Michael immediately picked up the picture frame, his thumb caressing Brian's face... he didn't even dare look inside the rest of the items in the box, afraid of what memories they might conjure up.

Michael threw the picture, frame and all... onto the new king-sized bed he would be sharing with Ben, aiming for the piles of pillows at the headboard. He soon followed, face down... unmoving and unfeeling... just like Brian always wanted him to be....

 **~~TBC...**


	2. Chapter 2

Brian was smoking in bed, again.

Justin was showering to get ready for a night out at Babylon... maybe Woody's first.

Was this to be Brian's way of life from now on... without Michael?

Brian shot up in bed, drawing his knees to his chest. He felt his phone vibrate and immediately thought Michael might be trying to call him. But looking at the LCD screen showed it wasn't such person... it was Jennifer... Justin's mother, but his... WHAT?

Cigarette dangling low, Brian had forgotten the tiny screen saver he was using on his new phone. That damn school picture of him and Michael... dorks to the core...

Brian's thumb gently caressed the mini-image of them together. His chest tightened, for some reason, as he heard the shower shut off and a soft cough from inside the open doorway.

Justin had tried to prolong his shower in case Brian felt like joining him.

Brian didn't feel like doing much. Not even moving as he kept staring at the picture of he and Michael.

Together... simple... yet... everything in his world...

... and gone... in a flash...

"Hey!" Justin called from leaning against the bathroom doorframe. "Do you still want to go out?"

Brian flicked his butt off in the distance, making sure he aimed perfectly to not mar his precious linens. "Yeah, why wouldn't I? Party, party, party." He quickly got up from his prone position on  the bed. He didn't want to give his lover any silly ideas of staying home.

No... that's something Michael would have... never mind... Brian paused, his head turning away... he sighed heavily, shaking his mind clear of such thoughts. He didn't even know who his best friend was anymore. How could he claim anything?

Justin stood, dripping wet and shower mist following him out from behind. A huge rust-colored towel hung low on his waist. He shrugged, running a shaking hand through his blonde spikes. "So... you're gonna wear what you're wearing?"

Brian raised his eyebrows, his back to Justin. "I'd be more worried about what you're willing to wear." He gestured toward Justin barely clad body.

"Asshole."

"I try, sonnyboy... I try..."

"Don't..." Justin was gonna reprimand but that would sound too... naggish???

Brian was already down the stairs and into the living room. He strolled toward his kitchen, heading to his fridge. He hoped he found some beer, but knew that was a lost cause. Somehow... his eyes picked up on some of the pictures Gus had begun to put up on his fridge, whenever he came over for a visit. Childlike drawings... pictures with Lindsay and Melanie... and even some of Brian and Michael with Gus... and baby Jenny.

Brian tugged open the door of the fridge, dipping his head low, feeling the sting to his hazel eyes...

Shit... Fuck... ****

 ****Mikey, why did we let it get this far?****

 ****Mikey, when did we agree to lose each other?****

Standing back, leaning on his kitchen counter, Brian stared intensely at the photographic images of Michael and Gus... Michael and Jenny... Jenny and Gus... he and Michael with their children...

All rolling into one huge image of loss... and the aches began...

Brian knew of one or two ways to control those aches...

Reaching into his front jean pocket, tight to his naked skin, Brian found the white pill of numbness and losing himself in the moment... able to let go of the one thing he once thought a permanent part of his life...

Brian swallowed the two pills... used to saving one for Michael, but not tonight. He drank the rest of the beer, leaving the empty bottle on the marbled counter. He picked up his keys and his thick leather jacket. "I'll meet you outside... warm the car... or, uh, something..." He felt momentarily dizzy, grabbing onto the wall for support... "Lock up after you leave..."

Brian wanted solitude for what little time he could find it... and release emotions too many would deem foolish on him. He choked once or twice as he stepped up to the elevator.

It was taking too long... he chose to bolt down the stairs, needing a burst of fresh air.

And the minute he stepped outside... Brian let out the loudest bellow of human pain anyone had ever heard on his once quiet street.

***************************************

Justin turned his head, thinking he heard something, but shook his head, going back to slapping cologne on his cheeks, after he had shaved. "Brian... I forgot to ask you... how did your talk with..." He paused in his quick dressing as he heard the metal door shut. "... Michael... go?"

Brian Kinney... always willing to wait and be patient... for nobody and no one...

***************************************

Carrying over the last dish to the kitchen sink, Michael stopped... momentarily pausing... feeling three emotions at once... but the most severe to his heart...  
 **  
**Brian... what are we doing... to ourselves?****

 ****What are we doing to those we say we love?****

Michael kept on walking to the sink, turning on the faucet to drown out imaginary noises that never were... and only in his head...

***************************************

Ben never moved once from his perch in his chair, his sole concentration on writing long hand on his new novel. His muse finally cooperative. A smile of wonder and bliss on his face. He sighed, content, knowing that his life couldn't get anymore perfect... even if he tried...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Several awkward months pass...****_

"To what do I owe the honor?" Brian opened the loft's metal door to allow Lindsay entrance. He noticed something strange. "No Gus?"

Lindsay strolled in, hands in her pockets.

Brian shut the door but didn't set the locks. He had just come back to the loft to change. He padded on his bare feet toward the kitchen. "Thirsty?" He wondered when Lindsay was gonna speak to him before he got to twenty questions.

"I can't stay. I'm actually on my lunch break."

"Oh... then I'll forego asking you to stay for the lovely seven course meal I was about to offer you." Brian took out a bottled water for himself. "Is it Melanie... again?"

"Huh?" Lindsay stared in confusion as she sat on the back of Brian's new couch. "No..." She shook her head when she only heard Melanie's name mentioned. "When was the last time you spoke to Michael, Brian?"

Brian paused the bottle at his lips. He took a sip, longer then needed, keeping quiet with his mouth full of water.

Lindsay nodded her head. "When did you see him last?"

"Can't recall." Brian shrugged one shoulder, leaning on his kitchen counter, near the sink. He didn't really like talking about Michael with other people. And considering what kind of hell Lindsay and Melanie, combined, had put Michael in... he found it a moot point for Lindsay to bring up in his face. "Why is this important?"

Lindsay pulled a blue wrapped legal document out of her pocket. "We got this today..." She unfolded the paper, flattening out all the wrinkles she'd caused in her fright. "... sent through some courier from Michael's lawyer." She held it out for Brian to take.

Brian turned to walk around the other side of the counter to sit on one of the breakfast bar stools. "I will no longer play some random cheerleader part in this mess with Jenny, Linds. How dare you ask...?" He didn't want to be a party to ruining Michael's perfect family life any further.

Lindsay was determined for Brian to listen to her and look at the document. "He's giving up, Brian."

"What do you...?" Brian snatched the paper, his eyes scurrying over the document as fast as he could move.

Lindsay's eyes filled with moisture, thinking how much she had misaligned a great human being and probably the best father they could have chosen for Jenny. She hurriedly wiped under her eyes, hoping she caught the tears before they fell. "He's signing over his rights as Jenny's father."

Brian let the paper fall to the marbled counter. "What did you two do?"

"Michael did it on his own, Brian."

Brian made sure he saw what was signed, sealed and delivered by Michael's doing. "Does he even know what this means? Did someone talk to him? Talk him out of it?"

Lindsay shrugged, wandering away to head toward a window. "I tried calling him, but he's not answering his cell phone... and the store's line has been busy every time I find time to call him."

"So... go see him..."

Lindsay shook her head. "I can't. I feel bad enough."

Brian furrowed his brow. "He's forgiven you, Linds... you said so yourself. He's not a monster. You can talk to him."

"I need you to do it."

"Why?" Brian snickered out in a huff.

"You're his best friend."

"Is he?" Brian raised one eyebrow in curiosity.

"What?"

Brian slid off the stool, bringing the legal papers with him. "I can't get involved, Linds. Sorry. You made the bed... now lay in it..." He watched as Lindsay simply snatched the paper back, quite angrily.

Lindsay shook her head in sadness. "Why did I think you'd make some sense of this and talk him out of it?"

"You two beat the fuckin' shit outta him... as a man... much more as useless father material. All you wanted was his sperm." Brian could add that it was exactly what Melanie and she had done to him, but that was the past. Still hurt, nonetheless. "I guess he realizes that now. He signed the papers. What more do you two screaming kittens want out of him?" He snarled out in defense of his old... best friend.

"Some fairness... maybe. I never expected him to give up... and do what you did for Gus." Lindsay tried to find the right words to say. "I feel like we've... duped him out of something really special. Something he's been wanting all his life." She turned her head away in misery. "You should have seen him on his last visitation to Jenny. I thought I'd die from the look alone in his eyes."

Brian stopped moving, standing still... wondering which *look* that had been. Probably the one that usually destroyed him to the core.

Lindsay walked up to Brian, placing a calming hand on his biceps. "Will you please talk to him? Make sure he knows what he's doing."

"And if I don't?" Brian roughly tugged his arm away and paced over to rifle through some mail leftover on the counter.

"Why didn't I see it before? It's so obvious now. You don't want to talk to him... or you can't... for some odd reason." Lindsay finally was able to see something she never noticed. "How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you two been fighting?"

"We're not fighting?"

"What happened?"

"Something... that was none of your business."

Lindsay tried to take a breath. She knew that the battles over Jenny had possibly put both men on opposite sides. Her own hands to blame for some of the problems. "Shit..." She wiped tiredly at her eyes. "I know it's silly, but... I'm sorry..."

"Yeah, but... this was inevitable. Ultimately it was a mutual decision."

"No wonder you've been more distant then usual."

"I'm fine, Linds."

"Even Gus can tell the difference in you, Brian."

"Why not? He's the son of a very brilliant man." Brian teased and made fun of his own reputation.

"Really? Brilliant enough to let a wonderful man like Michael go?" Lindsay pocketed the paper, then moved toward the door. "Consider what I've told you... or not. But I'm thinking, right about now... Michael could use a really good friend... maybe his best friend." She shrugged as she exited the loft. "Call me crazy..."

Brian finally lifted his bowed head to call out. "Crazy... bitch..."

The last word was muttered under his held breath.  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Next Day... mid-afternoon... lunchtime****_

The chimes above the door jangled ominously.

The two bodies occupying the room barely stood their normal distance apart.

Brian was momentarily breathless, not knowing how he'd react by seeing Michael again after such a long absence. He sighed, tried to breathe and regroup, finding his courage somewhere reachable. He let his backside fall on the door as it closed.

A door in which Brian had locked and turned the hanging sign to *CLOSED* without Michael even knowing.

Michael was putting the last of one comic book shipment away. His back to the entrance as he used the counter space of his cashier area to check inventory. He had dumped out the entire box, riled about for the tiny invoice, clicked his pen and went about counting out each individual title into separate piles.

Of course, the reason Michael hadn't turned around once, as Brian secured them inside Red Cape, was the tiny earphones of his iPod resting in his lobes. He had figured that lunchtime would dwindle the crowds to low and he'd be able to hear the bells sound above the door.

Brian savored the minutes alone in gazing intently at Michael without him being aware. He wanted to do and say so much. All the dialogue perfect in his head. Instead, he stood right where his feet were planted, speechless.

A few seconds after Brian softly cleared his throat, Michael paused and turned his head slightly. His *radar* must be off-kilter. Usually he was better at this, more sensitive to Brian being near.

Michael took only one earphone out. "Hey..." His voice came out almost unintelligible. He took off his iPod and placed it on the counter, out of the way.

Brian closed his eyes to sharp juts of pain. Michael's voice sounded tight and small, like it did when he was internalizing all the stress from the *drama* that was his life. "Were you ever gonna call me?"

"About?" Michael could pick up on Brian's tip-point of frustration. Mostly, he knew Brian wasn't able to come up with some way to begin a conversation between them after such a long time apart. He knew because he felt the same way.

So, Brian played his defensive tactics. "Jenny."

Michael had become numb to hearing the name without wanting to cry uncontrollably or throwing something that would shatter against a bare wall. "I figured you'd find out when you'd visit Gus." He continued to check quantities and set piles of comics off to the side.

"Gus is a different story."

"How so?" Michael frowned, raising one eyebrow in question as he counted and recounted one pile.

Brian knew all Michael wanted was to argue. That's all they seemed to be good at lately. "Fuck... you weren't even going to tell me, were you?"

Michael sighed in irritation, swiveling and crossing his arms over his abdomen. "Tell you WHAT exactly?"

Brian looked at Michael in an all-knowing and all-seeing way. "Michael, come on..." He really didn't want to have to spell it out. "I can deal without seeing Gus and being a crappy father."

Michael chuckled, uncomfortably, shaking his head in disagreement. "Bullshit."

"It's not..."

"Liar." Michael stated quietly as he turned back around to finish up checking off his inventory.

Brian stepped cautiously closer, his body idling along the lines of comic book racks against the wall. He wasn't sure how close Michael would let him before he bolted. This was weird territory for him. Having Michael flinch away from him like he had gotten used to backing up from his own father after a certain age. "I never meant to start this..." He tried to find the right words to explain himself.

" **_*Catastrophe... that used to be my life*_**... sounds about right." Michael pulled a box cutter out of his back pocket, cutting into the bottom of the box and flattening the cardboard. He walked the invoice around to tack it near a clipboard by his computer, to place the numbers in later. Right now he was gonna put them away on the floor.

Brian shook his head, leaning a hip on the wooden racks. "I never meant for you to end up alone... without Jenny."

"I still have Ben." Michael stated clearly.

"And Hunter." Brian added with his eyes wide with fear. He squinted, searching out Michael's face. He couldn't detect anything from the blankness on the features.

What could possibly have had happened to the young man so suddenly?

"No... correction... I have my happy home.... my loving partner/husband... and my profitable business of Red Cape... and... that's it." Michael used one solid hand chop to show how everything was cut-n-dried.

Brian shook his head in disagreement. "No... you have Hunter and Ben..." He stopped speaking when Michael turned to stare at him intently, unmoving. His eyes slowly unfocused in some emotion of late, possibly another round of sorrow. "Christ! What...?"

Michael lifted his eyes to look into Brian's, knowing he wouldn't be able to glance into them but for only a few seconds before he felt defeated. He shrugged, going back to shelving comics. "You were right. Hunter's almost eighteen. What does he want with Ben and I on his case? He's an adult soon. He can have his own life, now, away from me and..."

"Michael..." Brian attempted to venture closer, almost to the cashier counter. As he walked, Michael retreated. He wanted to wait for a moment Michael was nearby, before he advanced. "... I'm sorry..."

"Why? You didn't know."

"I only recently learned about Jenny."

"Leave it be. You were right about that, too." Michael kept his back to Brian, hoping there was truth in his voice, because the truth hadn't reached his face yet. "She's better off not knowing me."

"Shit! Michael, that's not..." Brian combed a nervous hand through his hair. "... you deserve a family."

"I HAD one, Brian. But now that I don't... I'm not sure what I deserve anymore." Michael dragged over a small step stool to reach up and fill a comic bin on the wall.

"There's no trouble between you and Ben?" Brian hopefully hadn't been gone too long to have missed that piece of information.

"We're perfect. Why would you think we weren't?" Michael noticed some misplaced comics in the racks so he stood up there to fix them.

Since Michael wouldn't come closer, Brian took the risk of moving to the cashier counter. "I don't know. The perfect marriage not having the perfect family seems..."

"Perfect?"

"No... wrong."

"So I give up my custody of Jenny and Hunter moves away... what's it to you? It's what should... and has... to happen. The best choice for them both. Ben and I never really had the chance for a honeymoon. To be alone together for a few years. We went right into having children even before we were married." Michael came down from the stool and walked around his cashier counter. He wanted some type of barrier between him and Brian. "It'll be good for us... in the long run."

"Who are you?' Brian shook his head in dismay, wondering what PodPerson had overtaken his best friend.

"Huh?" Michael yanked up his head to look over at Brian.

"What kinda bullshit are you trying to feed me here?" Brian leaned on the counter, his body gravitating toward Michael, in their old way of communicating.

Michael didn't pick up on it and piled the rest of comics in his hands to shelve. "Was there a reason you came or are we just gonna rehash the pathetic situations in my life at the moment?"

"I came to show you support."

"Why now... of all times? The shit is half-over. Resolved. What can you do that can change anyone's mind?" Michael shrugged his shoulders and seemed bewildered by Brian's comment.

Brian bowed his head in shame. "You should've called me. Before you did something drastic like this. I could have done something... like tell you over and over again how much you need Jenny in your life. How much she'll need YOU, in hers."

"What? I had Ben.. who did do that, but also stood by my decision when I made up my mind to back away. What could you have done differently?"

"Talked some sense into the munchers... get them on your side..." Brian attempted to joke or tease but Michael wasn't having any of it.

"Yeah... I think they have more power over YOU, then you have over them."

Brian bit his top lip, wondering if he could admit why he was really here. "I don't like knowing what I know... that you won't get a chance to be the kind of father you always dreamed of for yourself. And... I don't like thinking that you didn't have a best friend you could have turned to..."

Michael turned his back on Brian, shelving more comics. "Ben's enough, for now. Hunter still visits... that's good, too. I'm doing fine."

Brian knew differently. "Then why can't you fuckin' look me in the eye, Michael? I'm not the one betraying you."

"I know you aren't." Michael mumbled under his breath, not able to face Brian at the moment. "I just..."

"What?"

Michael set the comics down, placing his hands spreadeagled on the racks. "I thought things would be fine... smooth sailing. I thought I'd be happy getting what I wanted. I thought..."

"Happiness would come with more pleasure?"

"Yeah... but..." Michael finally did turn around, but he kept his head bowed, staring down at the concrete flooring. "I never imagined you'd be right all along..."

Brian sucked in a sharp breath of shock. "About what?"

"Gay men and what constitutes being... *happy*." Michael raised his somber chocolate eyes to Brian's face... never hearing Brian's sharp intake of air. Such sadness at the entire world heavy in one man's face and his drooping shoulders. "I've been good... I've done right... I follow everything to a certain letter of code... but the rug always gets pulled out from under me before I can grasp... something more..."

"Something more? You want something *better* then what you already have?"

"I want validation for my existence, Brian. I wanna know why I was put here... why I was born. If I can't find happiness in what everyone else does... how am I able to find out who I really am?"

Brian chuckled nervously, shaking his head. "You... are asking the wrong person."

"Am I? Really?" Michael was very doubtful of that fact.

"Yeah... really..." Brian raised his eyebrows in confusion. "I know as much about life and our future as you do, Michael."

"Then what's the fuckin' point?"

"The fuckin' point of what?"

"Of being... doing... achieving... accumulating... anything... if it all can be taken away with one fell-swoop of a hand in judgment."

"Okay..." Brian sighed heavily, not sure if he wanted to be like a great and powerful wizard of enlightenment for Michael. "... you have your health... you have a loving spouse... you have a supportive mother... you have a beautiful daughter who will grow to love you in years to come... you have an adopted grown son who will love you beyond his own biological parents..."

"What about you?" Michael asked softly.

"What about me?" Brian answered in an even more quiet tone. "This isn't about me."

"Where are YOU in the scheme of All Things According to Michael Novotny?" Michael let the small grin out as he made his way back over to the cash register counter. On the same side as Brian.

Brian scooted down as he leaned over matching Michael on the counter. "Where would you like me?"

Michael let his head fall onto Brian's biceps. "Here's good."

"You sure?" Brian pushed his face around to get a clear view of Michael's forehead so he could press his lips to the skin. The scent wafting up to him, making his belly clench in fright. He felt different... changed. Like he'd taken steps toward another way of life for himself, but found out... those old, tried-n-true ones... into his  
best friends arms... was the direction he was always supposed to walk toward.

Michael extended his arms, drawing the long sleeve t-shirt up to reveal the cowry bracelet still secure about his wrist. "There's one more thing I have to give you... but it's not here..."

"Where?" Brian's head turned to look about the store. He saw nothing out of place, but then again, he hadn't been here in months. When his gaze came back to Michael, he saw the shells around the tiny wrist... and couldn't help but smile.

"Up those stairs. I made an extra storage room for my own collection when Ben and I moved."

"Your prized comics? Here? In this store? Michael... do you think that's really safe?"

"Safer then in some musty old attic. `Sides it's actually kinda cool. Sort of my museum to my comic book superheros. Well... my most favorite ones..." Michael moved to the stairs landing, directing Brian to head up first.

After such a long time apart... this was a huge step for them being alone together... like they used to be...

"Why... thank you, kind sir..." Brian smiled as he took two steps at a time on his way up. He stopped a step below the top so Michael could get by and unlock the door.

Michael was coming up slowly. "Door's unlocked already, Brian."

Brian cracked up laughing. "Did you know I was coming over?"

"Nah... I only knew it'd be a matter of time..."

"A matter of time before... what?" Brian turned the knob and walked the rest of the way inside the upstair's cubby space... which was actually larger then imagined from downstairs and no measurements could be seen in such darkness.

Michael used his chest to push Brian further in. "A matter of time before you couldn't stand your life without me any longer."

"Really?" Brian swiveled to bump chest to chest with Michael. "... you're THAT irresistible??"

In the shadows, Michael became more... virile and seductive... "I've been called worse... even by you..."

"I've always thought you were hot." Brian teased Michael, dipped his head to bite at the available stretch of neck.

What the fuck was going on up here? Was the air so heightened and tight that their brains were constricting and they would soon go out of their minds? Or... was it simply... they'd let so much time pass between them... let their lives move on in different directions... that they finally knew what they wanted... and it just might be each other?

"As I..." Michael reached above their heads to yank down on a pull-chain hanging from the low ceiling. "... have always thought of you as my own super hero..."

The room was ignited with light. Every piece of wall was visible now.

Brian stared ahead, unblinking and stunned. "What... the fuck, Michael?"

Michael patted Brian's shoulder blade, rubbing at the rounded joint. "I had some interior designers working overtime to get this right. Brett and Justin helped some." He stepped over to the Wall of Fame for Rage.

Movie storyboards, comic book covers, a few random sketches and drawing littered the walls. The most important piece was the lifelike sculpture of Rage, standing in the corner... overseeing all the rest of the room. Brett had felt bad for the demise of the movie and sent a Fed Ex to Michael of a replica of Rage's costume. The statue was Justin's genius. A good friend of his, at PIFA, who was great at capturing lifelike images of people's real features, had tirelessly constructed a wax image by one simple sketch of *Brian* as *Rage*.

"Shit..." Brian nearly stepped toe to toe with Rage... his hero counterpart. "... it's uncanny..." He lifted hand to sift his fingers through the real hair woven into the fake scalp.

"Scarey how perfect they made him, huh?" Michael stood near Rage, kind of leaning on him in quiet wonder. "Look behind you, Brian."

As Brian turned to see what Michael was talking about... he took in the entire walls and ceilings... almost littered with every comic book cover of Captain Astro and Galaxy Lad. There were a few of Michael's other favorites, but only those two stood out.

"Is this..." Brian's hand swept the room over. "... your entire collection on display?"

"Just the covers."

"What?!" Brian spun around in shock. "Michael... some of those comics are worth a fortune..."

"Only one is..." Michael wandered over to a tall cabinet and pointed to a glass encased stand that held the first issue of Captain Astro comic.

"Hot Damn! Where did you find one?"

Michael blushed as he dipped his head. "Made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

"Mikey... you little devil!" Brian continued to shake his head, bewildered by the huge loss that Michael had taken in decorating this room in his old comics. "Still... they were worth something to you, if not monetary, then sentimentally..."

Michael shrugged looking up above him and around him. "They're just comics, Brian. People are irreplaceable... not things..." He was quite proud of the room's design. He was surprised that Brian wasn't recognizing something else in the room with them.

Maybe Brian just didn't see it... right behind him... down a few ways...

So Michael walked toward him. "So what do you think?"

Brian took a step or two back to find himself butting up against a footboard. He thought nothing of it for a minute. "I'm not certain I understand how any of this could be FOR me..."

Michael scrunched his brow up in bewilderment. "How do you mean?"

"You said you had one last thing to give me... and, frankly... don't bite my head off, but I don't see anything that used to be mine..." Brian brought his eyes back to meet Michael's... and found himself being intently stared at. "Uh... are you okay?"

Michael slyly smiled. "I'm good. You?"

"Wondering what you have up your sleeves."

Michael raised his hands up to show his wrists.

Brian's eyes zeroed in on the cowry shell bracelet in full view. "This? YOU want to give me back... the bracelet?"

"No!" Michael pulled his hands back to his body, he fingered the shells. "I've actually grown quite fond of this stupid thing. Why? Do you want it back?"

Brian wasn't sure what Michael was doing. This was all very odd to him. He had thought he was simply gonna come over and talk to Michael and lend his support not be led to some slaughter or... maybe something worse."And if I do?"

"You'll have to convince me you deserve it."

"By doing what... exactly?"

"Allowing me to give you my last gift."

"And that would be...?" Brian didn't mean to play dumb. He knew Michael had changed but not this much. What was going on here?

"Me."

"Pardon?" Brian's jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

"The last thing I have to give you... is... me..."

"But... you're married..."

"And your in a, uh... something resembling a relationship... with Justin..."

"But... you're married..."

"Am I?" Michael asked in all curiosity.

"I asked you downstairs if you and Ben were okay... did you lie to me?"

Michel shook his head as he answered. "Nope."

"Then... sheesh, Michael... what's going on?"

"I'm not sure anymore. I'm confused."

"About?"

"I miss you." Michael placed a hand over his abdomen as if his belly ached.

"I miss you, too... but I'm not gonna fuck you just to fill some void, Michael... or appease some wild, raunchy fantasy of yours."

"Wanna sit down?"

"Where?" Brian saw no sign of chairs or much to sit down on except boxes.

"Here..." Michael five-finger pushed Brian to fall backward. He bounced on the old twin springs.

Brian lay down, his head arching up to look at what he was resting on. "Michael... is this..." The sheets and the mattress felt familiar to him, like his body could never forget what comfort he found here.

"Ma needed my bedroom at the house. She asked me if I wanted to do anything with the old boxsprings and set up. I knew it would fit perfectly up here."

Brian noticed how wistful Michael's voice sounded. "How often have you slept here already?"

"It took them two months to design and build. So about six weeks maybe... kinda every other day now. Ben's busy with... his classes, college life and his new passion for the gay marriage initiative."

"What about you?"

"Ben loves me. I've never doubted that."

"And him?"

Michael had to walk away or he'd implode.

Brian pulled his torso up to rest back on his elbows. "What's wrong, Michael?"

"I HAVE been needing my best friend... in all the old ways I used to.... and in some newer ways I can't help but wonder about..."

"For how long...?" Brian didn't know if he wanted to hear how long Michael had been suffering.

"Long enough, ya' know."

"Yeah... I do..." Brian lay back down, patting the space beside him, then he thought better of it and shuffled up the mattress toward the headboard. He was inviting Michael to climb onto the old twin bed with him... possibly laying on top, chest to chest.

Michael followed Brian, crawling on the mattress on his knees. He knew right where he fit, the old niches simply waiting for him to fill them. Brian's arms opened... body vulnerable to his touch. He only wanted one thing... for now...

As Brian let Michael settle on top of him, snuggling and tucking his face into his neck and collarbone... Brian wrapped one arm about Michael's back, the other hand brushing through Michael's ruffled locks of hair. He enjoyed the sigh of content he heard, pressing a kiss to the top of Michael's head as it lay on his chest.

"Have you been able to sleep?"

"No. You?"

"No."

"Do you need to be back to work soon?"

"Yeah..."

"Do you care?"

"No..." Brian chuckled at Michael's blunt question at him not moving one muscle except to hold their bodies closer. "The store?"

"Can do with a few hours of closing up shop? Sometimes one person can have too much money."

"Tell me about it."

"Guess it's true."

"What? Money can't buy happiness?"

Michael shook his head on Brian's chest. "No... good friendships are hard to find."

The laugh started from Brian's belly and worked it's way up to his solemn features... his eyes tearing up for a whole other reason.

Michael wasn't far behind from joining in the silliness.

Like they'd never been apart...

  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Two hours later... or so...****_

Each man woke up periodically. Minute by minute... every last second of the two hours they'd been asleep, they broke apart to ponder the realities they'd have to face outside. Only, moments later, curling into one another to find a forgiving solace that eased their fears.

Their traditional ways of sleeping in Michael's old twin bed changed.

Where backs once cuddled fronts... arms embraced in comfort... hands clenched and fingers entangled... one often more protective of the other... NOW they lay equal, facing each other. The hands were still grasped, fingers forever entwined, but one man continued to tug the hands to his chest, making the other forced to draw near.

Legs were tucked between thighs, except as Brian blinked his eyes open he instinctually dragged his leg up Michael's body, locking the back of his knee around the hip. Michael burrowed further into Brian's pillow, which caused him to nuzzle Brian by accident. But, really... on purpose. In and out of conscious, Michael smiled and sighed in content.

Brian took in a deeper breath of satisfaction. He'd been spinning out of control for months, trying to deal with less... and even less... of Michael in his life. He concluded... he was doing a piss-poor job of it.

Problem was... now that they were here... together... on what *terms* was Michael allowing him to return?

Brian placed his hands at the frayed hem of Michael's long-sleeved t-shirt. Inch by inch, he crept his fingertips underneath the well-laundered material. His skin actually tingled upon contact with Michael's tempered naked flesh. He felt the tufts of air hit him, on his neck, from the increased breathing from Michael.

Michael was finally willing to show signs of fully waking up. He felt the cool hands trail up his chest to flick at his sensitive nipples. He sucked in some air. "W'a's... Brian...?" He pressed his own palm flat to Brian's upper chest, feeling the erratic heartbeat.

Chocolate eyes squinted, then widened... boring a straight line into intent hazel ones, gaze strong and never wavering.

Brian rid Michael of his t-shirt, while Michael worked fast on Brian's buttons, sliding the soft material down his shoulders and arms. Brian helped by working on the cuffs at his wrists.

Naked chest to naked chest, Brian easily flipped Michael onto his back. Michael spread his thighs wide to allow Brian to lay in the center, resting on his smooth pelvis. "Are you sure?"

Michael wrapped one arm about Brian's neck, lifting up to hungrily kiss those delectable lips above him. "You've waited long enough."

Brian paused, trying to control his breathing. "Wanting to fuck you wasn't the problem..." He let Michael fall back onto the mattress. "Keeping my hands off you and behaving... now THAT was difficult..."

"Did Ma scare you that much?" Michael teased, tucking hairs behind Brian's ears.

Brian shook his head, hands planted flat on either side of Michael's arms. He hovered, precariously... and finally *saw* Michael for the first time. "No... YOU did..."

"Me?!" Michael's eyes crinkled, hands reaching up to caress Brian's chest.

"Let me finish..." Brian cleared his throat, wondering if he could speak while they were laying like this... getting hornier by the minute.

"Sorrah..." Michael muttered as he placed both hands over his lips, his eyes, literally, smiling.

Brian attempted to wipe away the lines on Michael's forehead with his thumb pad. "Don't gloat, Michael... it doesn't become you..."

Michael silently agreed by blinking his eyes at a slower pace.

"I was about to say... YOU scare me, as well as my own self." Brian noticed Michael frown in confusion. "You make me confront feelings I'd rather deny... forget, because they usually bring on pain... later. So... I push you away... but, yet, desperately want you near." His hands moved toward Michael's waistline, his head dipping low to lay on Michael's hair.

Michael removed his hands, lifting them up to place on Brian's waist, cupping the shape of the trousers around his body. "You scared me at first, too. Once I knew you didn't, or could never, want me... like you did other men... I felt more safe in your arms then any place else."

They were each undoing snaps, zippers and extra steps, like belts for Brian... in order to finally undress themselves of all their clothing.

His mouth beside Michael's ear, Brian lightly chuckled. "I felt safe, too. My confidence as a pre-pubescent teen was askew. You forced me to face a dozen, or so, of my fears."

Their hands slid each pair of pants down their thighs and legs to end up catching right at their calf muscles.

"And... now?" Michael began to ferociously kick off his own dark gray trousers.

"I'm willing to be... *pushed off a fuckin' cliff*..." Brian yanked off his own pants, flinging the evidence away onto the floor with Michael's pair. "... as your mother would be apt to say... mostly about the methods I use to handle you."

The brush of lips began so innocently... until one of them took the initiative to take a chance... and Brian forfeited his usual way of taking control when he figured Michael should lead since he was the one offering his body on a platter.

Now, each man was only clad in their underwear, tight shorts encasing their hard cocks as they began to undulate toward one another. Their kissing became heated, their breathes mingling and tongues lapping.

Michael broke away for only a second, his arms automatically locking around Brian. "Can I hold you... on the way down...??"

Brian smirked, leaning to mesh foreheads with Michael. Their mouths meeting, tenderly... opening for more, sinking deeply in pleasure. "I..." He breathed into Michael's mouth. "... wouldn't want it any other way..."

Michael slipped a wayward palm along Brian's back, caressing the slope of the spine until he reached the elastic band of underwear. He tugged the material down over the perfect globes.

Brian's undershorts went by way of all the other discarded clothing. Michael's was sure to follow.

Brian licked and nipped a trail down Michael's body, slipping down the mattress. He took Michael's underwear with him as he worshiped the naked body beneath him all the way down to the toes.

Although it was weird to be in the old twin bed... it was no longer in the Novotny house and neither man was the same as they had been years ago. Hell, even months ago. Somehow... this felt more then right, in so many ways.

Brian returned to lay on top of Michael, still between his spread thighs. He couldn't get enough of Michael's kissing. The gentle touches to his face, hair and upper body. His dick was already harder then cement and dripping pre-cum all over the sheets and all over Michael.

Michael's cock throbbed incessantly, begging for attention and action. He thought the wait had been long enough for both of them. He had quick access to a condom before Brian could lift his head and look directly at him. Using his teeth to break into the package, Brian simply grinned instead of making a sarcastic comment to how prepared Michael actually was. Brian was sheathed in no time.

Poised above Michael for entry, Brian stared into those warm familiar chocolate eyes... craving to watch them change as he penetrated.

Michael did one small move of adjustment and hooked a leg up to allow for easier access. He slid his hands on either side of Brian's head, meeting his fingers at the nape of Brian's neck.

Their foreheads were meshed and they could view each other clearly.

Brian thrust once... Michael arched back, groaning out his pleasure.

Brian suckled at the pale column of neck, aching at the perfect fit of Michael around his hardened cock... as he continued his slow thrusting, in and out.

Michael's moves were subtle, but they matched Brian's for each action. The pressure of Brian's belly rubbed against his own length, squished between their tight bodies. He didn't even want to touch himself for fear he'd cum right on the spot. He wanted to hold out as long as Brian did... share their climax together, if they could.

Right in the midst of one continual procession of thrusting, Brian stared into Michael's eyes and saw trails of moisture raining down the outside of his eyes. "Michael... what...?" He was about ready to stop, thinking he was causing Michael physical pain.

"No... no... don't stop... please. I need you." Michael continued to move to force Brian to never stop what he was doing to him... to both of them. His voice was broken and fragile, such desperation in the tone. He frantically lifted up to kiss Brian. "I've wanted this... for us... always..." His voice was breathless and low, he couldn't pull Brian close enough.

Brian could barely hear Michael and comprehend what was happening. It wasn't until they were both hot and heavy, thrusting in tandem and close to an orgasm... that he figured he'd been lied to. Lied to by Michael... and he couldn't find the words to speak out loud. All he could do was follow Michael's lead... moan out his own erotic pleasure... feel his own heart bursting with deep-seeded emotions he'd been trying to quell.

Brian put out his own hands to hold Michael's head the same way he was doing to Brian's. "No... I won't let you do this..." His throat constricted with tears. "This isn't... goodbye..."

Michael broke apart... his secret finally revealed. "I love you! I love you..." He felt the rise of his orgasm.

Brian simply held onto Michael... carrying them up to a sitting position and allowing them both to hit their euphoric planes. He cried out in ecstasy, arching at the flow of his semen in the condom tip. Michael ejaculated between them, all over their stomachs. He spread the thick liquid over the skin by accident. Michael only wanted to keep touching Brian.

Michael had felt the thickness still in him, the thrusting slowed, but remained steady. "You can... stop..." He enveloped Brian in his arms.

"No... I can last even longer then you can. The minute I pull out... it's over for you. That's not going to happen."

Michael let out a bittersweet smile. His cheek rubbing Brian's sweat-drenched hair. "Don't you see... it has to happen..."

"But we were..." Brian sloppily kissed Michael's sweaty skin, biting at the loose areas.

"Not... yet..."

"What... the fuck... was this... then...?" Brian tried not to sound hurt, but he certainly had never been prepared for this.

"A promise..." Michael choked out.

"A fuckin'... what!?" Brian lay back, pulling Michael down with him. He needed them to settle so he could understand what was going on.

Michael lay quietly on top, he couldn't look into Brian's face as he said these words. "I'm still with Ben..."

"I know, but..." Brian shook his head in bewilderment. "You just... we just..."

"THIS is all I can offer... one more touch... one last kiss..." Michael eeked out on his intakes of air to control his battered emotions.

"Before?"

"Before what?"

Brian finally had found strength enough to roll them over. He was now above Michael... and in his face. "Before you leave me... altogether? What's going on? What's happening? What's changed so drastically that you'd place yourself in this..." He stared down at their still joined bodies. His anger hadn't changed his wanting of Michael. "... position with me?"

"I don't know." Michael shrugged, hoping Brian took that as an answer for now. "Ben's had talks with some people. I don't know where we'll be in the next few weeks."

"Tibet?"

Michael shook his head, tears pooling his eyes. "I don't know... please... kiss me again..." He never knew himself to beg for affection from Brian, but he couldn't help feeling like he was losing every last shred of connection with Brian. At least physically he could still feel him inside... even when he was far away.

Brian hung his head, unable to perform under this kind of pressure. "Michael... I don't... this isn't..."

"I love you."

"I know you do. Stop saying it." Brian nuzzled the side of his face with Michael's.

"I'm sorry. I knew you wouldn't like my decision if I came right out and told you. I'm trying to make this easier for you... for me... for us."

Brian sighed heavily, feeling Michael undulate up, ready for more. "I won't share you."

"What?" Michael hadn't heard correctly.

"Now that I've had you... I won't share you... with... Ben..."

"What do you mean?"

Their fucking became more sensual, seductive and romantic. Each man aching for having missed these kinds of moments all these years.

Brian's methodical thrusts seem to hit on every other word out of his mouth. He pinned Michael to the bed, keeping him right where he belonged.

"Don't let him take you... after this... Give me time."

"Time to what?" Michael scrunched his brow in wonder and confusion.

"Think of a way to steal you for myself."

Michael opened his mouth to say something more, his tears having stopped.

Brian put up a finger to shut Michael's mouth.

If this was going to be Michael's *goodbye* gift... Brian was taking all that he had left to give... and then some.

Brian made Michael cum three more times... once two times in a row. They fell back asleep for another hour, huddled into each other... Brian finally sliding out of Michael and drying them both off. He watched Michael sink into slumber, the eyes getting vague and misty as he tried to stay awake. He stayed for only that one hour... intent on running back to the loft in order to think clearly.

Brian had gotten the shock of his life... and he needed a moment to breathe. But not before he said his own secret goodbye to Michael... softly crying two lone tears as he looked down at the serene face.

Michael feared hatred from him... but Brian had made sure Michael knew that he didn't.

Leaning over Michael's face... his clothes back on, somewhat... Brian tenderly pressed his lips to Michael's. "I was stupid once before... I won't be again." He caressed the back of his fingers down Michael's cheek. "I love you... you're mine now..." He scraped his thumb across Michael's plump lips. "... more then ever... I don't give up as easily."

With that said, silently while Michael was asleep, Brian left the attic room and the Red Cape store, fully intent on making a plan to win Michael back in his life... no matter the cost.

 **  
~~TBC... **


	3. Chapter 3

_****Nearly a week later... random weekday**  
**Early morning... Brian's loft...**** _

"Brian!" The incessant voice tried again to shake the sleeping form buried under layers of blankets. "Brian... c'mon... wake up... It's for you."

Brian had passed out on the couch, curled into the back cushions. "Huh?" He lifted his head, blinking quickly as if allergic to bright lights. "Who-? Wha-?"

"Ted." Justin spat out, feeding off Brian's annoyance of being bothered.

"What?"

"I don't know. He won't tell me, but he's adamant about wanting to talk to you." Justin placed the cordless on Brian's hip, scuffing Brian's already mussed hair. "Up! C'mon! He nudged his knee into Brian's back, trying other ways to get Brian out of a dead sleep. "He sounds anxious, like it's important."

Brian was still perplexed and not quite awake as he should be to answer the phone at two o'clock in the morning. He put the extension to his ear. " `Lo? What's wrong now?" He'd left Ted in charge to watch over Babylon while he came back to the loft with a splitting headache.

Ted cleared his throat. "I know you said to only bother you in emergencies... and I know you're not up to par to deal with this right now..."

Brian put a palm over his eyes, hoping that would shield him from the intense pain of the lighting in the loft. "Forget it. I told you to call if... anything..."

"Tried your cell phone, too, but well, I had to..." As Ted spoke, the sound of an approaching siren made sharp noise in the phone. "Fuck!"

Brian shot up straight on the couch. "Ted... you better fuckin' be kiddin' me..." He could pretty much assume the news wasn't good from the sound of police sirens or an ambulance. Shit... maybe it was a combination of both.

"Don't worry... it isn't Babylon... thank God..." Ted muttered as he wiped a hand across his forehead. "No... this time... someone tripped the security wires at Kinnetik. Left us a nice little present... right inside the front door foyer... addressed to... uh... I'm assuming... you and me..."

"Huh?"

"Something akin to... uh, lemme get this right... **_*I Hope You Die of AIDs You Fuckin' Cocksuckers*_**." Ted tried to recall exactly what the small death threat note had said.

"THIS time... what the fuck, Ted?" Brian shook his head at what the Ted could be talking about. "Never mind... not here... not over the phone... I'll be there as soon as I can..." He clicked off, throwing the cordless in the midst of all the crumpled linen.

Justin stood in the bedroom doorway, leaning against the framework. His brow was furrowed in worry. "Everything okay?"

"Yup... peachy..." Brian waved his hand in the air, brushing away the problem as if it were nothing. He began to glance around for some of his discarded clothing.

"Anything I can do? I can come with you... all I need to do is change..." Justin made a move as if he could dig up some clothes fairly quickly and be ready. "I don't have my first class until mid-morning..."

"No... thanks. It's being *handled* as we speak. They just need me there... at Kinnetik... some client mishap with contracts. Faxed to the wrong office or some stupid shit like that..." Brian bent to slip on his shoes, hoping Justin took the *bait* to leave well enough alone.

Justin doubted that excuse as fact, but Brian was a *big boy*. He learned early to mind his own fuckin' business around Brian's personal life, especially work related. "Well... then... be careful..."

"I will, dear..." Brian muttered, patting his body down to make sure he had certain things. He picked up his jacket, hanging off the back of his computer chair, on the way to the door.

"Hey..." Justin barked as Brian frantically stormed out like someone was chasing him to leave.

"What?!" Brian wasn't truly in the mood for one of Justin's nagging bitch sessions. He paused, sighed heavily and faced the general direction of the bedroom.

Justin rolled his eyes, tossing Brian his car keys. "You might need these... is all..." He bit out, dripping with sarcasm. He marched back to the bedroom, wishing he could fall back asleep easier then being curious to where Brian was off to... and wanting to follow him.

Brian hung his head, rubbing a hand over his nape. His headache was making him even more of an asshole. "Shit..." He mumbled, thinking about apologizing, but foregoing the reaction. He didn't need Justin all up in his personal business. There was nothing anybody could do... except allowing him to figure this out all on his own.  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Ten minutes later... outside Kinnetik... in the light downpour of rain...****_

Ted and Brian stood, set behind one police cruiser, resting on the hood of Ted's convertible. They were watching the officers, detectives and investigators finish with their *crime scene*, gathering enough clues to make a CSI agent go spastic with euphoria.

Brian attempted to massage the increase of his headache from his fragile brain. "Exactly when did you have this security system installed?" He didn't recall even thinking about needing one once building Kinnetik for himself.

Ted shrugged, waving to one of the cute patrolmen wandering the scene with hulking flashlights. When Brian gave him this long stare of bewilderment... to fill him in on what the hell had been going on without his knowledge for so long... he scraped the hand through his hair. "Uh... well... lemme see..." He crossed his arms over his chest, his tan overcoat collar flapping open. "... I got a deal. When I was setting Babylon up... Greg threw in one for Kinnetik at a cheaper price." He managed to point out the man, obviously *Greg* of this conversation, who stood taller then most of the men. He seemed to be taking charge of the whole scenario. "He's an ex-cop. Carl gave me his card. He's into P.I. work... part time... does a bit of bail bondsman stuff on the weekends. I mean... shit... the guy is good for the hefty sum. He's been nothing but up front with me on every slightest mishap."

Brian tried to control his breathing and temper. "And what made you think I wouldn't care about knowing how many times these things happened?... both places being broken into?... petty crimes of B & E?"

Ted sighed knowing he had been foolish in thinking he could handle the situations without Brian having yet another problem at his hands. Of late, Brian seemed preoccupied with other things... and they had nothing to do with Kinnetik or Babylon. "Well... being as this is the first time Greg has wanted the police officers to call in for back-up... and the added, extra-special bonus of a random dead animal carcass... doesn't truly bode well for further cases that might involve us..."

"You think they think... you... or I... might be next? A real human being?" Brian simply put out his thought, wide open.

"Only a theory, Brian... only a theory..."

Brian sighed, saw that they both were being signaled to approach Greg. He pushed off the hood of Ted's car to move. "Yeah... thanks, Teddy..." He patted Ted's shoulder, in a friendly manner. "... that's certainly comforting..."

Both men walked beyond yellow tape and police barricades set up around the parking lot of Kinnetik's offices.

Brian stepped up further then Ted, his hand out to Greg. "Hey... Brian Kinney... I own Kinnetik... uh... and Babylon..."

Greg took the offered hand in a warm, strong shake. "Ah... the illustrious Bossman... Hey, Ted..." He acknowledged Ted, cowering behind Brian's body. "It's okay... the pig sacrifice has been removed. Thankfully... that's all there is..." He waved for them to follow him to inspect the front entrance of Kinnetik. "Our *guy* seems to have jimmied his way through here..." He lighted the area of the front foyer doors, showing Brian and Ted the picked locks. "He knows his shit. Swift pick, too. What's kinda odd is... this is as far as he got..." His flashlight moved toward the glass doors of Kinnetik offices. "Looks like he didn't bother entering further then this spot... where he dropped his Pig Bar-B-Que... and ran back out like his ass was on fire, once the wires tripped..."

Some blood still remained on the tiled floor, smeared and splattered.

Greg caught Brian's shudder, thinking it was from the gross, nauseating view. "Don't worry... I'll have my men clean everything up for working order when you open."

"Nah... it's cold in here..." Brian could also smell a leak of some kind... like maybe gas or oil...

Ted noticed the same thing, huddling under his thin overcoat. "Yeah... more then usual. I know we... Cynthia and I... turn things off at night, but it's normally warmer as it gets closer to the time we open for business. The generator kicks on the heater time switch to keep the place heated on off hours... so the pipes don't chill."

Greg watched both Ted and Brian wandering around the foyer. "By all means... share with me if you guys notice something we've missed. You two know this place the best."

Ted stopped, looking over at Brian. "Nah... Greg... it's just the slight draft we feel, I guess..." He shrugged. He was still shaken by the call he'd received out of a dead sleep to come back to work. He wasn't prepared to pickup on anything unusual.

Brian kept his thoughts to himself, but then again... he was used to *seeing* specific things other people didn't.

A young plains clothes detective walked up to Greg. "I think I got something we've been looking for... not saying much, but might be our next clue..." He took off, hoping Greg followed him down the hallway.

Ted simply moved to lean on a wall, exhaustion setting in.

Brian decided to be a *snoop*, but only for his own sanity...

... what he walked in on... what the young detective was shining his flashlight on... was a homemade bomb dangling from the heating vents in the ceiling.

Greg let the detective talk in his ear, but his gaze went to watch Brian Kinney's reaction. Placing a hand on the forearm near him, Greg shook his head for Brian to understand that the bomb was a *dud*... a fake. Only supposed to scare them...

... maybe...

Brian felt anything but relief. He turned back to head to the front foyer. He'd give anything to turn back so many pages and find his way toward a reality that didn't suck on a daily basis...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Several days later... Kinnetik offices... conference room...****_

Brian's cell rang... right in the middle of his early evening conference call. Cynthia was at his side, taking dictation for the staff meeting tomorrow. He made motion for Cynthia to make his excuses known. He took his call into his private bathroom.

"Kinney?" Brian scowled into the extension.

"Brian... Ted..." Ted cleared his throat, trying to find an area of alleyway he could receive a stronger signal. "I need you... like... pronto..."

"What? Are you shittin' me? I'm right in the middle of the contract negotiations with Dupree... all the way from fuckin' London..." Brian waited for Ted's humor or some joke to kick in. "... England, Teddy..."

"Get your ass at Babylon, Brian. NOW!"

Brian's brow furrowed in sudden shock. "Why? What's wrong? Another dead piglet?"

The sound of a million sirens broke through in the background.

"Oh... Good Gawd..." Brian had delayed his appearance at Babylon's glorious re-opening party... coinciding with the Gay Marriage Initiative rally... shit... to take this very important meeting and contract signing.

There was no telling what kind of a fucking mess Brian would walk in on.

"Is it bad, Theodore?" Brian huddled into his phone conversation... fear setting in quickly.

"Some fuckin' genius just tried to blow up Babylon and half of Liberty Avenue... look..." Ted rolled his eyes... hoping his next words made Brian take notice. "... they just wheeled Michael by... on a fuckin' stretcher, Brian! He's being considered a *trauma*... do you know what that means, you piece of shit! He's in critical condition! He might fuckin' die! Do you fuckin' care NOW!! What fuckin' else do I need to say to make you fuckin' come down here and take some fuckin' responsibility?!"

Brian could hear the emotion in Ted's voice... and not simply from frustration and anger. His knees turned to Jello at the mention of Michael's name... in one shallow breath he said... "I'm on my way..."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Babylon... minutes later...****_

Brian stumbled through the destruction and devastation... Babylon lay in near ruins...

Walking wounded and the unconscious lay on the once vibrant dance floor. Sharp lighting allowed the paramedics and police officers to care for those who were injured and to... cover those who didn't make it past the first explosion.

Brian had to find a seat... on something... before he fainted from the shock. He still was in a daze even after being talked to by several police detectives, regular patrons and new employees. His face went to search out familiar ones.

One he knew wouldn't be here... Michael, but the rest seemed gone as well. All except a lone one in the distance. He tried to gravitate toward the person.

Brian shook his head at the irony... of how hard it had been to convince Michael to show up to this shindig, even with Ben being a huge part of the rally. Michael wanted to stay home... or do some inventory for the store, but somehow, from both Ben and Brian... without either man knowing... they had convinced Michael to show up and enjoy himself for once.

Little did any of them know...

Brian caught sight of Ben... chatting with police officers and detectives... probably giving them information on what he'd witnessed. He glanced over his left shoulder to catch sight of Greg... their Security Coordinator... and he waited until the man felt comfortable to approach him.

Greg made his way over to Brian's side, on the low speaker. "Thanks, Evan." He gently rubbed the shoulder of a fellow officer, then turned to Brian. "Hi..." He spoke softly, for a rather large man.

"Yo..." Brian muttered as he tried to take in everything while sitting down. He could barely lift his head.

"It's not your fault."

"Really? It isn't?" Brian sadly chuckled along with making a bold reply. "Did we do things right or not? Should I have even kept my plans to have this party... with everything else that had been going on? I guess we'll never know..."

"Life goes on, Brian. Shit happens."

Brian was finally able to stand on his own. "And I'm usually right in the way when it hits the fan. This time... I think I took down more casualties then I usually do. Won't make me feel better." He moved to walk toward Ben. "Excuse me..."

Ben remained where he was... sitting on a random barstool... out of place in all the collapsed metal railings and busted up flooring.

"How is he... really?" Brian didn't know if he could even say the name they both knew he meant. He hung his head, staring at the dusty floors.

Brian could smell such a heavy layer of smoke in the air, he nearly choked.

Ben had to look away. "Not good." He tried to clear his throat without becoming emotional. His voice sounded rough, from smoke inhalation.

"Why aren't you... well, I guess they couldn't really let you leave, huh?... but I'd have thought you'd be at the hospital, too... I mean..." Brian was about to go on and say what he felt about the situation as it stood... until he saw something, someone, out of the corner of his eye... "What's Hunter doing here?"

"He's the reason why ***I*** am still here... and not with Michael."

Brian was perplexed. "What do you mean?"

"They're detaining him for questioning. They'll be taking him down to the precinct to ask him everything in the presence of our lawyer." Ben didn't go on to explain anymore.

Brian looked stunned beyond belief. "What... the hell... is going on?" He had some crazy, thoughtless idea that Hunter may have been part of the random crimes connected to Babylon and Kinnetik in the past few weeks.

"Hunter thinks he may know who set the bombs off."

"Kids? Teenagers?" Brian didn't want to assume it WAS Hunter's fault.

"No... worse..." Ben's mouth thinned into one line of flesh.

"What?"

"One of their parents." Ben shrugged weakly, his body going weary from the jarring experience. Though he knew if he tried to sleep tonight... he'd never be able to shut his eyes. "I guess... I'm only assuming this from what Hunter is alluding to, but it seems they REALLY don't like gays... I mean..." He spread his hands out to show the destruction of Liberty Avenue's famed gay night club. "... what better way to get your point across, huh?" He rubbed one hand over his face. Really didn't help any to have everything here... going on at Babylon. This place was a madhouse before it went bad... and a pure Hell in the aftermath.

"He's gonna pull through." Brian knew his voice didn't sound optimistic at all, but he felt like saying something positive, even though he truly didn't know anything.

"Yeah? You think so?" Ben shook his head, doubt circling his brain. "They said he has massive internal bleeding that needed emergent attention... possible surgery..." When next he looked up... Brian was gone... on his way out the door. "Brian... hey, Brian!" He tried to call him back, but gave up since the hospital was where Brian wanted to be most. Ben didn't blame him. "Not like you can do anything there either, Brian... but..." He sighed and made his way back to sit beside Hunter, waiting until they could head off for the police precinct.

Ben really wanted to be with Michael, but there were enough friends and family there already. If by what it sounded like... Michael would be in surgery for most of the time. Though he was worried... Hunter had to have a parent with him and Ben should be getting in contact with their lawyer to meet them at the police headquarters.

Besides... with Brian on his way over... Michael would be in the best hands possible for him... and a quick recovery...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Emergency Room Waiting Area... moments after...****_

"So... what have you heard...?" Brian softly approached all the huddled heads and bodies, in the waiting room, that belonged to Michael. He took stock of everybody who had made it... some still in their Babylon party garb... showing a bit of their own worse for wear and looking unkempt.

"Oh, sweetie..." Came from Emmett as he sipped slowly at his coffee cup.

"Brian, where have you...?" Came from Lindsay as she kept one eye on Brian and the other on a distant Melanie who was leaning her back on an empty wall.

Debbie made her way over, Carl at her heels, almost wanting to smack Brian upside his head for letting Michael roam Babylon on his own... and where the hell had he been... but she stopped once she saw his eyes... and took in his facial expression of personal loss. She stopped, put a palm to her lips and let Carl cushion her from the back as he bumped into her.

Justin was the only one who made it over, standing beside Brian and taking his arm in his own hands. "He's... not good, Brian..." His own blue eyes swimming with unshed tears.

"What do you mean?" Brian stared ahead, not even in Justin's direction... unable to focus... his own feelings caught in his throat. Maybe he should have never come.

Justin tugged on Brian's arm. "If he was awake... he'd want you to be here, Brian... don't keep thinking you're gonna slip outta here that easily."

"Did Ben say when he'd be able to make it?" Debbie asked off the cuff, just curious, since she had seen no proof of her son-in-law anywhere. Well, she'd seen him when Michael had been taken into the ambulance... but after... was pretty much a blur.

Brian cleared his throat, able to answer the question. "Ben's with Hunter... probably down at the police station."

"Why? What-?" Emmett asked walking near.

Brian glanced at all the faces he could finally see clearly. "He may know who was responsible."

"Some kids? Delinquents?" This time... Melanie asked the pertinent questions. As if she would light the fires under someone's ass to sue the shit out of the person, or people, responsible.

Brian didn't answer because he felt a strong chill run down his spine.He paused and didn't move one muscle except to remove his arm from Justin's grasp.

A white coat-ed doctor came out of the Trauma Room's entrance doors. "Is Brian Kinney here?"

Every eye turned to Brian as Brian swiveled around face the doctor connected to the low voice.

"That's, uh... me..."

"Please..." The doctor's hand swept in the direction of the Trauma Rooms. "... come with me..."

Everyone quickly crowded Brian, pushing him forward and encouraging him to be brave enough to face what none of them even could. He wasn't too sure he was strong enough to do this on his own... Michael was always the strongest of them both.

Brian did it though, walked right through the swinging double doors and was lead toward a drawn curtain. He could hear the moans of someone in great pain. He knew it was Michael... and he wanted to bolt.

"Please... Mr, Novotny... stay still... we can't give you the shot for pain if you keep moving... Hold his head... you... hold his arms..." The voice became demanding of every person standing around Michael's bed.

"I'm sorrrrrryyy..." Michael cried out in his little boy voice, causing Brian to choke on his tears. "... it just hurts so much..." He wailed out his displeasure, quickly apologetic as always, as someone tried to hold him down.

Brian had enough. He forcefully slid the curtain back, making his way toward the head of Michael's stretcher. "Mikey... I'm here..." He used the cuff of his jacket to wipe under one eye. He took off his jacket, placing it anywhere to hang.... probably some important piece of medical equipment. He stood at the top of the stretcher, looking down at Michael upside down. He bent to use his arms to brace Michael's head to steady. "Keep still, Mikey..." He dipped low to whisper into his ear.

"Briaaaaaaannnn... hey, sweetie..." Michael was already feeling after effects of some of the drugs they'd been able to induce. He tried to reach up to touch Brian's face.

Brian averted his head, knowing Michael would discover the moisture on his face. His guilt was heavy. He looked over at the nurse at Michael's side. "Tell me what you need for me to do to get him better." He place his hands over Michael's biceps, keeping the arms to his side. "Don't move, Mikey... let them help you... your pain will be gone in no time..." He rested his face on Michael's cheek, trying to give him a point of reference to stay calm and collected.

"I'm just trying to give him a sedative to relax him... then we can bring him up to the Operating Room. Who are you?" The nurse wasn't being nosey, just asking the right questions.

"I'm his next of kin."

Michael stared up at the ceiling. "I love him..." He voiced the topic as if he was a starry-eyed little girl.

The nurse smiled sweetly as she noticed a slight reddish tone cover the beautiful man's features. Whomever this man was... he worked miracles... the sedative was almost fully injected.

"Brian..." Michael tasted dryness in his mouth.

"Yeah..."

"Jenny..."

"Michael, don't do this now. She's not..."

"Lemme speak... tell her... I loved her... wanted so much..."

Brian couldn't bear this right now. Michael should have known how bad he was at this emotional crap. "No. You're gonna tell her yourself."

Michael shook his head sadly. "I dunno..." He was able to focus on Brian above him. "... love her... for me, huh? If I don't..." He thought it funny how his tongue felt heavy and stuck to the roof of his mouth.

"Shut up. You will." Brian used one hand to cover Michael's mouth. He gently kissed his brow.

"Jokes on me... righ'?"

Brian felt new tears flourish, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Michael, what are you...?" He tried to hide his face in Michael's hair... even through all the smoke smell.

"I always thought..." Michael shook his head a little in amazement. "... thought I'd be the one... left alone..."

Brian wasn't comprehending very quickly, too wrapped up in caring for Michael's welfare to understand. "I still am not..."

"Ben... an' Hun'er..." Michael slurred out as he began to blink slowly.

Brian was beginning to know what Michael meant. "You want me to *love* them, too?" He let out an awful replica of his usual silly smirk.

Michael chuckled, a bit of his old self back. He winced in pain because his ribs and chest felt sore. So many injuries he knew he had... it was any wonder he could still breathe and talk. "Nah... they'll be okay... but if ya' wanna..." He shrugged, closing his eyes. "... tell `em... I gave a good fight..."

This time... Brian removed his hands from holding Michael's arms down, since Michael was slipping into slumber pretty quickly. He surrounded his arms about Michael's head, cocooning him from everyone's eyes. "You're gonna make it." His voice broke... even though he felt it in his heart that this was somehow true.

"Really...?" Michael asked in wonder, letting tears fall down the corner of his eyes to fall into his dirty hairline. "Augh... shit.." He shuffled about one last time. "... did you see the fucker who hit me?"

Brian nudged Michael's face, his tears mingling with Michael's. "Big... motherfucker. We'll kick his ass later. YOU... and me... together." He closed his eyes and petted Michael's face.

"Me... with you... perfect... those words..."

"Always..." Brian muffled into Michael's ears for him alone.

Michael was drifting, but re-opened droopy eyes for one last thing. "Bri-ahn..."

"Huh..." Brian didn't lift his head at all from laying on Michael's.

"Don' for...ghet..."

"...hmmmm..." Brian couldn't find any words.

"You know wha' to do... pull my plug..." Michael wasn't pausing for dramatic effect... he was actually zoning out more and more. He snuggled into Brian's neck... wanting comfort before he totally lost all sense of himself

Brian shut his eyes slowly, lowering his head to the linens. "I know... but I don't..." All too soon... Michael was being yanked from his arms.

"Come on..." Someone kicked the lock on the stretcher's wheels, the bed was loose. "Let's get him to OR while he's good and ready."

"Thanks."

A gentle hand soothed Brian's biceps as they took Michael down a hallway outside the Trauma Room's back entrance. They were taking him into surgery.

Brian stood alone and despondent, trying to breathe despite the pain and aches in his chest.

One lone employee was cleaning up the mess made. "He'll make it. He's made it this far. Most internal bleeds are easily fixable."

"Yeah... thanks..." Brian turned to pick up his jacket and walk out... unaware of where he was headed.

The whole group of them stood... awaiting his arrival...

"Well..." Someone spoke up to ask the dreaded question about Michael's condition.

Brian let out his trademark smirk, trying to put his jacket back on. Was he even having thoughts of leaving the hospital? Leaving Michael... with friends and family, but still so much alone? "And now... the wait begins... bedside vigil can commence immediately..." He tried to joke... to tease, but his eyesight blurred... oddly... and  
he felt lightheaded...

"Brian..." Emmett reprimanded.

"Brian!"

"Someone catch him...."

"Brian, honey..."

Brian knew nothing else as he felt his body meet the carpeted floor of the waiting room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****Five hours later... that same day...****_

"Where is he?" Justin wandered off the elevator and over to the seating area where all of Michael's loved ones sat... awaiting each and every word of his recovery. He was intent on only speaking with one person... and he didn't see him there.

Emmett shrugged, going back to reading his trashy entertainment magazine. "Who knows... he hasn't been with us for over an hour."

"Michael out of surgery yet?"

Debbie soothed a hand on Carl's arm about her waist. "Nah... still going on strong." She shook her head sadly, unable to voice anything of what she was feeling, which was a rarity indeed.

"Five hours?" Justin compared his watch with the wall clock. Who survived this kind of emergent surgery for five hours?

Lindsay shifted in her chair, her eyes glancing over at Melanie who was nodding off to sleep. "Someone keeps coming out to give us updates.

Justin looked around at all the faces, noticing some missing ones. "Has Brian heard any of it? Of Michael's progress?"

Emmett shook his head. "Nope. The first time they came out... that was over two hours ago... saying it was worse then they thought... well... he bolted... haven't seen him since."

"So... do you think he's still here?" Justin zeroed in on Emmett to fill in most of the blanks for him.

"I wouldn't doubt anything at this point... especially concerning that poor boy..." Emmett knew Brian might get a bit over emotional about Michael's outcome, but never had he know Brian Kinney to faint... from pure emotional exhaustion. His heart broke every time he had to look at Brian. The boy could manifest feelings exactly on his face... and in his eyes. If Michael didn't pull through... Emmett had no idea what Brian would do... no idea... but it wouldn't be good.

Justin pulled out his cell phone. "Let me call him."

"Honey... he could have very well turned off his phone."

"Right now... I just want to know if Brian's okay... he won't give a shit about much else... except for this tragedy at Babylon and Michael being right in the middle of all the action. Doubt he even cares if his cell is on or not." Justin pressed the number to reach Brian's phone. The tone was usually kind of peculiar, like musical notes.

That very sound could be heard echoing throughout the hallway. Brian wasn't far.

Justin saluted to everyone. "Thanks... I think I can find him from here." He took off down the long corridor.

Brian was in a smaller waiting room... alone and asleep. His jacket thrown over his head, blocking out all light. The small couch he was laying on looked as if he had sat on the arm, then simply tumbled over onto his back. The backs of his knees curved about the arm, legs dangling down to the floor.

There was enough room for one person to sit on the cushions, above Brian's head.

Justin took the leftover space. He decided to sit there until Brian *felt* his presence. The plan worked, but it took twenty long minutes of waiting... pondering and agonizing over what he needed to discuss with Brian.

Brian moved about, removing some of the jacket from his face. He slowly blinked awake, stretching, not caring if he lightly punched Justin's body. "How long you been here?"

"He's not out yet." Justin supplied the real answers Brian was looking for.

"Wha-? I didn't ask you that."

"You wanted to though, so I just got rid of all the bullshit." Justin tucked one hand into his pocket, intent on doing this discussion whether he liked it or not. "I, uh... thought you'd like to know... I'm not going to be at the loft when you come back."

"Wha-?" Brian quickly fixed his body to sit up, taking the other side of the tiny sofa. "Wait... did I miss half this conversation or something? Did you start talking when I was asleep?"

Justin smiled weakly. "No... I just got here... well, twenty some minutes ago."

"What's wrong?" Brian knew something was different between them, much more so then usual.

"US... or more importantly... the YOU without the ME..."

"And that means *what* exactly?" Brian made a face of total perplexity.

"I don't know why I bothered coming here. You're already gone..."

"And again... you're not making any god-damn fuckin' sense..."

Justin sighed, shook his head and sat facing Brian on the cushions. "I don't? Hmmm... that's peculiar, because you haven't been making sense for quite awhile."

"What do you mean?"

"This..." Justin pulled out what was in his pocket, throwing it toward Brian, landing on his lap. "Exactly *when* were you planning on asking me?... or were these even for me?"

Brian looked down at what plopped down on his thighs. "How did you find them?" He stared at the jeweler's box, wondering if he recalled placing the special rings in the secret place he'd designated for them before all this with Michael had begun.

"I found them when I was cleaning the living room... stuffed in the couch cushions... or I was thinking... they happened to fall out of your pocket on one of the many occasions where you preferred sleeping on the couch better then sleeping in your own fuckin' bed." Justin had to glance away or become really dramatic. He simply couldn't believe that even though he *lived* with Brian... and seemed to be having some pseudo-relationship with him... they were still as far apart and distant as they had been when they first met.

Brian got lost in his own head for a few seconds. He was fingering the soft velvet box in his hands, in a quandary over whether it was smarter to offer them to one man over another. He still had no idea what was happening with Michael and Ben. Could he even take that kind of chance that... Michael would fall for silly sentimentality? "I... was..." He lifted his head to look at Justin. "Uh... what was the question again?"

"Does HE know?"

"Know what?"

"How much you love him? Does Michael know how much you're willing to sacrifice for him?"

Brian was about to bite back with some sarcastic remark, but shut his mouth. He simply shook his head, dropping his gaze. "I've had the rings for a very long time."

"How long?" Justin wanted to know just to be assured he hadn't been living in some fantasy generated world for THAT long. That maybe he and Brian had some semblance of chance that had vanished.

"Months."

"You plan on telling him?"

"Maybe."

"Fuck!" Justin pushed himself up off the couch. "Look... one side of me wants to say... you're better off not taking that kinda chance, especially when he's still married to Ben... but then the other part of me... wants to kick you in the fuckin' nuts for being so ridiculously stubborn. You are NOT fuckin' happy. You're never gonna  
be happy until you get what you want... and keeping me hanging around for shit's sake isn't gonna make either of us happy." Justin knew his little tirade was unexpected, but he had to do it. " `Sides... I've decided to take that gallery's offer... the one in New York..."

Brian was a bit flabbergasted, but secretly relieved he wasn't the one doing the *dumping*. "I wish you luck."

"Yeah... that's what I thought you'd say." Justin had hoped for a more gratifying send off. He wandered over to the hallway, ready to let this whole mess of his old life be over. "Just tell me... were you ever *IN* love with me? Would you have ever asked me to do.... what you want more then anything to do, and be, with Michael?"

Brian couldn't even turn his head slightly to look at Justin. "... no..."

"Well... thanks... thanks for being honest..."

"Any answer I give you won't satisfy you... like you've always wanted..."

"That's our problem though... you've never bothered to learn what it was I really wanted. But I guess the question truly is... were you ever interested enough to ask?" Justin disappeared before he made more out of the situation then it needed to be, leaving Brian a bit on the devastated side... still alone... and worried about Michael's outcome.  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ ****One week following Babylon incident... Bruckner/Novotny household...****_

Brian felt awkward. He was standing on an unfamiliar porch, hands in his pockets, contemplating whether he should disturb the quaint family atmosphere and their doldrum lives... or not. He glanced about the neighborhood, before he poised his thumb over the slim, rectangular button of the doorbell. His second and third thoughts made him back up and approach the sky-blue painted screen door.

Jesus... Kee-rist... Michael! The cheesy fake lawn WELCOME mat was truly the icing Brian needed.

Brian couldn't believe he was actually here... on an old rickety porch of seafoam green floorboards, eyeballing the cream porch swing in the corner, dangling from the hefty metal chains. He distinctly heard the ruffling of leaves and quickly thought to hide himself behind a pillar, but thought better of hiding when he saw who came around the side of the house.

Hunter had seen the Stingray from the backyard. Had bore witness to the driver's long vigil inside. At first, he didn't recognize Brian, took him awhile to see the familiar face in shadow.

The late afternoon air was filling with dusk-light. The sun having vanished behind a series of low laying clouds, hovering in the distance.

Hunter had just gotten home over an hour ago. Put away his books and picked up the cordless phone from the main foyer hall. His long distance calls were becoming more frequent. The plans for his future out of Pittsburgh finally settling into permanence.

Hunter needed the privacy being outside afforded. The rooms in the house had thin walls and, lately, there was no telling what kind of secrets were being overheard, or kept, to certain people's own thoughts. He... was one of them.

Hunter was laughing and lightly conversing into the cordless as he came around to head toward the front porch steps.

Michael and Ben were going through their own transition... and Hunter no longer wanted to be a part of watching the destruction of his new family. He knew it was a fact of life... but somehow... he thought for sure with the recent accident that almost took Michael's life away from them... Ben would embrace life and living with his family. Instead... Ben was just a mere presence in the mornings and slept in the spare bedroom. The only thing Hunter could find as an explanation was... Ben found out... everyone dies... eventually. And some, like Ben and him, know when the clock ticks... other's... like Michael... can be gone in the blink of an eye...

That had Ben running scared.

What was even weirder... was Michael's easy acceptance of Ben's new attitude toward their life and family. Since the explosion of Babylon, Michael changed... more assertive, more sure of himself, but yet peaceful in some mysterious knowledge that he knew his purpose finally... and if Ben, nor Hunter, wanted to join him... well, then... that was their fuckin' problem.

Michael was no longer waiting for the bottom of his life to fall out. If people wanted *out* he wasn't holding them back. It was simply amazing to discover that once Michael had put his foot down with everything and everyone in his life... they knew where he stood and almost came running back to him instead of him running toward them. People gravitated to him, wishing and hoping they could make him happy somehow. He held many of them at bay, wanting time to heal... not just from the physical injuries but from the emotional upheavals they had put him through.

Even Lindsay and Melanie had cut him some slack... allowing him his rights to see Jenny whenever he god-damn well pleased.

Hunter knew Brian hadn't seen Michael in over a full week of recovery from the hospital stay and surgery. The two friends kept only in contact on the phone... both wanting... needing some space to formulate their thoughts and plans. Michael used that time to talk with Brian... about Ben and the possibility of his marriage dissolving. Brian had become the best friend Michael needed in times like these.

Seeing Brian on the porch solidified the moment when Hunter knew something was about to change... and probably for the better... for Michael... and it was about damn time.

"Yeah... you know it, dude... hey, look... hang on a minute..." Hunter pressed a button to place the call on hold. "To what do I owe this gracious honor?" As he came around the long porch railing, he was finally able to see what Brian had with him that was making all the gurgling noises. The wicker baby carry-all sitting on the rocking chair on the other side of the porch. "Oh... shit..." He covered his mouth, wondering if any of his old cranky neighbors were listening. "I don't think... is it already time for her to visit?"

"Special occasion." Brian whispered, he motioned his head for Hunter to let him in on where Michael might be. "They took Gus on some family-oriented vacation." He shrugged not truly understanding where Melanie and Lindsay stood in their marriage as of this point. "I'm assuming they didn't want the hassle of a finicky baby."

Hunter put the phone down on the railing to come and pick up his baby sister. "Hey Little Munchkin." When he picked her up, flying her threw the air out of the carry-all, she immediately smiled. "Look! She recognizes me... still..." He cradled her in his arms, rocking her like he'd seen Michael do plenty of times. He thought it telling that even though she did acknowledge him... her brother... she had eyes for Brian. She seemed to smile more and more at just the pleasure she felt seeing Brian's face.

"Gas. She's full of it." Brian grumbled, wondering when Hunter would spill the beans of Michael's whereabouts. "So..." He rubbed his hands together, wishing he could get off this atrociously colored porch and out of this domesticated neighborhood.

Hunter turned around to pick up the cordless extension and put it in his back pocket. He carried Jenny and her carry-all into the house. "He's upstairs. Probably asleep. He gets these intense headaches sometimes. All he needs is some shut-eye and then he's as good as new."

Brian followed in, but didn't budge from the front foyer.

Hunter shut the front door, intent on keeping Jenny in his arms as he went back to his phone conversation. But not before he found them a snack in the kitchen. He noticed how hesitant Brian was in approaching the stairs. "See... dude... you take these stupid things up to there..." He foolishly pointed out the step and then the upper floor. "That's where Michael is... master bedroom... door's at the end of the hall..."

Brian still didn't move one inch.

Hunter was going to kid again, but shut his loud mouth. "Is something wrong?"

"Jenny was my *in*."

"Your what?"

Brian cleared his throat. "He doesn't know I'm coming... or that he's got his daughter for the weekend. I was figuring once he saw HER face... seeing me wouldn't be so... disturbing."

"And... how long have you two been friends?" Hunter furrowed his brow at Brian. "He'll want to see you more... trust me on this. Ben's being an ass, lately. At the rate he's been calling you... seeing your face is gonna be the highlight of his day... or maybe..." He slyly smiled as he ventured toward the back kitchen. "... his life..."

Brian doubted the teen knew what he was talking about, but no one ever said bad advice wasn't silly to take on certain occasions. He took the steps at a meticulous pace. He wandered down the long hall, stepping up to the closed door. He knocked softly, but turned the knob anyway.

A low bedside lamp illuminated the darkening room. The television, left on at a mere murmur, gave off a glow flickering along the walls and ceilings. A hunched form lay on it's side, facing away from the door. The huddled body was covered by a light quilt from the bottom of the bed.

Brian closed the bedroom door behind him, creeping over to the side of the bed. On the night stand, he noticed the bottle of a generic aspirin and the half-empty glass of tap water. He toe-ed off his shoes and took of his jacket.

There was something warm, inviting... maybe a bit enticing about catching Michael in bed. Just made you wanna crawl right next to him... and cuddle... snuggle... but shit... THAT wasn't Brian's usual way. Except with Michael... Brian could do those things with Michael and not feel like he was some alien being trying to perpetrate... like all the other *normal* folk. Plus... Michael could read fakeness from a mile away and certainly when it came from Brian.

Climbing over Michael, to dive into the empty spot beside him, Brian situated himself to lay aligned with Michael's body, placing his head on Michael's pillow. Their foreheads meshing.

Michael wasn't startled awake... he gradually became aware he wasn't alone in the bed, which was nice, for once, since Ben had disappeared from their bed. "I'm sorry I'm not up to formally welcoming visitors... you should have called..." He tiredly reached out to scrape a hand over Brian's cheek. "I coulda saved you a plate of leftovers. We ate early. Have you eaten?"

Brian's hazel eyes searched out Michael's hazy chocolate ones. He smiled and rolled Michael over on to his back, hovering. He leaned down to press a sweet kiss on Michael's lips.

Michael put a hand to his mouth. "What was that for?"

"Felt like doing it." Brian shrugged one shoulder. "I enjoy kissing you."

"Uh-huh..." Michael looked at Brian oddly. "Are you okay?" The back of his hand soothing Brian's face, moving toward his upper chest.

"Never been better."

"Are you sure?"

Brian dropped his smile, gazing intently into Michael's face. "I... uh... don't know the words to say what I feel... exactly..."

Michael wrapped his arms around Brian, tucking the quilt, sort of, around them both. "What are you thinking... riiiiiiiiggggghhhhhtttt... now!?" In one flash of movement, Michael had Brian pinned down on the bed.

Brian felt his breath catch... wondering if he had ever felt his heart burst more. "I'm thinking... there's no place I'd rather be... then right here... with you." He lifted his torso up to kiss Michael, soundly.

Michael swallowed with difficulty. "Even in this strange house?... strange room and bed?"

"Wherever you are... is... right where I want to be..."

Michael chuckled, ducking his head to Brian's chest and letting his body relax over Brian's. "Oh... Lord... such romance... I'm all aflutter..." He faked fanning at his hot face. He lay his cheek right over Brian's heart, snuggled close.

Brian tightened his hold on Michael, burying his face in Michael's neck.

Michael was a bit concerned about how fierce Brian's hold was... and how quiet he seemed. "Are you certain you're okay, Brian?" He tried lifting his head to look at Brian, but he wasn't being let go of... ever...

"I'm good. Thanks."

"Yeah..." Michael knew there was more.

"I missed you."

"U-huh..."

"I don't know what I would've done had you not..."

Michael closed his eyes, figuring out that phone calls hadn't been enough for Brian. The week was awful for him, as well. "I know... but I'm not... just like you said. And I can tell Jenny how much I..."

Almost right then, Jenny cried out in glee... all the way from downstairs...

"Brian?"

"Yup."

"What did you do?" Michael was finally able to lift up his head.

Brian smirked, as he scratched at his face. "I got us a weekend with your daughter."

"A WHOLE weekend?" Michael sounded way too excited. "How did you manage that?"

"Thankfully... she's still a baby, which can hinder a growing relationship. They also want to make sure Gus isn't gonna kill them in their sleep for all the shit they've put him through."

"They gonna be okay?"

"Who knows."

"How `bout you and Justin?"

"New York came a-callin'... and our Little Mary Sunshine answered."

Michael's jaw nearly dropped, but he sort of knew something was changing about Justin. No more bullshit would the young man take... from Brian. "Can't say I blame him."

Brian's mouth opened in shock. "Fuck you!" He playfully pushed Michael off him, but pulling him back. "It's MY first rejection... and... it wasn't half bad, like some people say..."

"I don't know. As much as you'll deny it... you loved him in your own way. It's just... sometimes people need more."

"How `bout you?"

"Me what?"

"Do you need more? More from me?"

"Why?"

"I'm willing to..."

"Do what? Change for my benefit? Thanks, but... no thanks... I like you just the way you are... except..."

Brian tried to not laugh out loud. "Except...?"

"I want you for myself. Call me... stupid..."

"Nope, I think it's *pathetic*..." Brian reached up to kiss Michael's cheek as he talked.

"Thanks, Brian... love you, too..."

"Love you... more... forever more."

Michael rolled his eyes and rolled off the bed, bringing the quilt with him. "Oh, Christ..."

Brian followed, like an obedient puppy. "What? What's wrong?" He liked teasing Michael, playing at being some sweet sappy romantic hero.

At the bedroom doorway, Michael paused. He was about to bite back with some sarcasm, but he glanced over at Brian... in his typical stance of hands on hips and fully prepared to defend himself or carrying on with their joking manner... when it hit him... right between the eyes...

These were the moments he had missed. These were the moments he craved. These were the moments he knew he was loved and how dare he try to find it with someone else. Someone other then the very man standing before him.

Michael shook his head. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong." He stood on tip toes to brush his lips with Brian's, then grabbed for his hand to take him out of the bedroom.

Brian had seen it all, every piece of emotional turmoil in Michael's face... then the sudden calming peace that settled over him. Took his breath away, left him speechless... and more in love then he ever thought possible. "Good... that's what I thought..." He let himself be dragged back out into the outside world of domesticate bliss and happy home life...

... as long as Michael was there he could withstand anything... well, within reason...

  
~*~*~*~THE END


End file.
